The Rambling Mommy

What does "fine" really mean?

2012-01-19T20:28:00.000-06:00

I frequent several parenting forums and groups online, and an underlying theme I find throughout them has recently begun to bother me more and more. Tell me if you've ever heard statements like these:

"I gave my baby formula and she's fine."

"My kids never even rode in a car seat and they're fine."

"I did insert item here to my kids and they're all TOTALLY fine!"

So what does fine really mean? Well, in example number 2, it means that the child never rode in a car seat, was likely never involved in a serious car accident of any kind, and survived and thrived into adulthood. I don't see that as a valid argument to use a car seat improperly. If my kid fell out a two story window and survived with no injuries, I wouldn't push them out again just for kicks and giggles.

But example #1 is the one that's bothering me today. And here's why. . .

I recently visited a doctor who took a very detailed medical history from me and unlike other physicians I've seen in the past, did not blow off my "minor" gastrointestinal issues as no big deal. Nothing I have is serious all by itself. I have a pretty bad case of acid reflux, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and a case of Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth as diagnosed by a mainstream gastroenterologist. All of these "syndromes" have been treated by the GI doctor to the best of his ability, but still they persist. . .and I've now been told that I just have to live with them. I also have a pretty moderate case of OCD and anxiety. My new doctor was able to offer me some long term lifestyle changes that will bring relief. . but that's for another post.

What this doctor had to say to me made a lot of sense. As a formula-fed generation, (not saying everyone from that generation was formula-fed, but it was definitely the "in" way to feed a baby at that time), my parents' generation started out with a less than ideal balance in their gut flora. A baby is born with a predisposition toward the gut flora in his/her mother. If that baby is also formula-fed, his gut does not get the opportunity to re-balance to a healthy flora level, and the problem gets worse. . with each generation it gets worse until breastfeeding a new baby helps that little one some by repopulating the gut. I'm not saying a nursed baby won't have any digestive issues, but they are much less likely to suffer severely from GI problems than a baby who doesn't get breastmilk at all.

Secondly, the doctor explained to me that 50% of our "brain" chemicals are produced in the gut, and 80% of our immune system is contained in our digestive tract. A digestive system that is not functioning well is going to have a hard time effectively balancing chemical production, immune function and digestion. That all makes sense, doesn't it?

So I offer all of that information to say this. Yes, a formula-fed baby will grow and thrive and be smart and relatively healthy, just like a breastfed baby will. (Read about the benefits of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding here if you want more comparison/contrast information). . .but that doesn't mean that person will be "fine" forever regardless of whether they nursed or not. I am 35 years old and my problems did not start in earnest until my mid-20s. So we really can't know how "fine" our children are going to be. . .ever. . .because with any luck, we will outlive them and will have no idea if they contracted cancer at an older age, or if that was in some way linked to the way they were fed as infants. The effects of much we do with our children AS children can be far reaching. . .beyond what we think about right now. And that's okay. We can't protect them from everything.

The real point of my post is this: Don't encourage other parents to give their children less than their personal best, based solely on the fact that you did xyz with your kids and they are fine. If you chose to formula feed based on your risk/benefit analysis of infant feeding, that is your choice. If you were sabotaged by a doctor with bad breastfeeding advice, don't give advice to a struggling nursing mother unless you're SURE you know what you're talking about. If you don't, refer them to someone who does. But don't just tell them what you did and how your child is fine. I think we often feel guilty in some way for our own choices and think that somehow convincing another parent that our way of doing things is "fine" makes us feel better somehow.

So. . .if you made a parenting decision of any kind with the best interest of your family at heart, based on all the information you had at the time, you are a GREAT parent. You love your kids and your family and that's AWESOME. If you have regrets, do things differently when/if given another chance. . .but don't selfishly offer advice to make other moms follow in your footsteps to assuage your conscience. Be a bigger person than that.

When did we get so mean?

2011-12-16T10:27:00.000-06:00

Okay. I'll admit that it's possible that the hormones of pregnancy are making me extra cranky, but I swear, every time I read a headline the last few days, something gets me irritated. Most things are easily alleviated with a ranty Facebook post, but this one requires a longer analysis to get it off my chest. Feel free to stop reading here if you can't take it. . .

. . .because I'm going to talk about America's most loved and most hated family. The Duggars. And my opinion is apparently unpopular. . .because honestly it's the lack of an opinion. LEAVE THE POOR FOLKS ALONE. Now, having said that, I recognize that they chose to put themselves in the national spotlight by going on reality TV, but having heard them share about their faith and their family, I really think even THAT move was motivated by some desire for good works. They wanted to raise awareness about their beliefs and making a little money in the process did not seem like a bad thing. I mean, they DO have 19 children after all. That's a lot of mouths to feed for sure. . .but feeding them they are. All on their own. So why does everybody care so much about the fact that they have a large family that keeps expanding?

My "beefs" on this topic are many-fold, but the two that are really stuck in my "craw" at the moment are the following. . .

-The fact that everyone and his brother seems to have an opinion about whether or not they should have more children at this point. . .

-And the comments in the media about Michelle's recent 19-week miscarriage being caused by the fact that it was her 21st baby (I'm counting her other miscarriage here). . .

To address beef #1:

WHY DOES EVERYBODY CARE so much if the Duggars have 19 children. . .or 30 for that matter? While I personally don't think I could HANDLE that many kids, it seems to me that they are doing a fine job raising them. They are a self-sustained family unit. They don't have to rely on state aid or charity to "get by." They appear to have well-nourished, mannerly children who are all shaping up to be highly functional, pleasantly contributing members of society. That's a lot more than many families with 1 or 2 kids can even say. And here's the main issue I have with all these "Don't they have enough children already. . .?" and "They need to stop procreating and start focusing on the kids they already have!" comments. . .WHO ARE YOU to say that they have enough and um. . .it appears they DO focus RATHER WELL on the kids they already have. Some people are just really good parents and I'm sorry, but they appear to fall into that category. If a family ADOPTED 20 kids out of the system and did such a good job with them, they'd be on Extreme Makeover Home Addition and hailed as heroes and humanitarians. Who knows what force these kids may become for good, but with a stable home environment and the lessons they're learning, I'd say the odds are good that they may make a huge positive difference in the world somehow.

Which brings me to a sidebar. . .it's nobody's business how many kids are conceived and brought into this world by others. Sure, there are bad situations, but every child is a gift. . .and in our country of reproductive "freedom" it seems we're talking out of both sides of our collective mouths! "My body, my choice!" is the motto the majority of America wants to shout from the rooftops. And while I'm not going to make this into a debate about abortion, it seems worth mentioning that America is all about reproductive choices being personal and private. . .until something ruffles our senstivities and we start practically crying out for the Duggars to be sterilized. We are a hypocritical society.

Beef #2-Did someone read in Michelle's medical record that the loss of Baby Jubilee at 19 weeks was caused by the fact that she has 19 living children? No? Then WHY would anyone think that's what happened? Miscarriages happen every day to women who have no children at all. A miscarriage at 19 weeks is more rare, but the fact that everything looked fine until her 19 week checkup when there was no heartbeat does NOT point to anything related to her large family. Just the publicized statistics of their family fall into the realm of "normal." She has 19 living children and 2 who didn't make it. That's about a 10% miscarriage rate.

"Miscarriage in early pregnancy is common. Studies show that about 10% to 20% of women who know they are pregnant have a miscarriage some time before 20 weeks of pregnancy; 80% of these occur in the first 12 weeks. But the actual rate of miscarriage is even higher since many women have very early miscarriages without ever realizing that they are pregnant. One study that followed women's hormone levels every day to detect very early pregnancy found a total miscarriage rate of 31%."

(About.com article)

So basically, they're actually AHEAD OF THE GAME. All those yelling that this should be a "sign" that they need to stop reproducing are just ignorant of biology. They are actually in a lower risk category than most. While the risk does go up for women as they age, would anyone be judging if poor Michelle was a woman who had struggled with infertility for years and finally conceived her FIRST baby at the age of 45? Doubtful. . though in our highly judgmental society, I guess anything is possible.

And WHERE is our human compassion and sympathy in the midst of all this? Apparently non-existent. Losing a baby at any stage, but particularly at the point that their little one passed, is a tragic and painful experience. . .but I see very little sympathy being published. Criticism is rampant. . .and yet they continue to carry themselves with dignity and kindness, allowing people to see photos of the memorial service they gave themselves to honor their baby. . which just led to more "outrage" because of the (very tasteful) pictures of the baby's hands and feet that were present at the service.

In the wake of all the recent drama, I hope the Duggars are able to take the time to grieve and heal from this tragedy. . .and then move on with their lives. And if that process of moving on involves having more children, I wish them all the best in their endeavors. And for all those out there who don't "agree" with their "lifestyle choices?" Get a life. Because the Duggars apparently have quite a full one and would likely wish you the very best in yours, whether you choose to have ZERO children, or 50.

Can't we all just get along? Seriously.

2011-09-19T17:39:00.001-05:00

I recently read a blog post on Cafemom that was quite intelligently written. The author posted a list of the ingredients side by side comparing breastmilk to formula. I enjoyed reading the article and simply thought, "Wow, I'm so glad I nursed my kids," much like you'd be proud of sending your child to a certain school when the testing and rating system showed that school to be ranked one of the best in town. It's wonderful to know that a momma has the ability to give her little baby so much in the way of nutrition. . .and it's wonderful to know that science has brought us to the point that babies whose moms can't or won't feed them breastmilk have formula as an option to survive and thrive.

I scrolled down to the comment section to add a short kudos to the author, only to find myself somewhat flabbergasted by what I read there. Breastfeeding moms bashing moms who formula fed their babies, calling them selfish and implying that they didn't care. Formula feeding moms bashing nursing moms, calling them arrogant and judgmental. The discussion taking place there just makes me sad. Why are women so vicious? And it's not just about breastfeeding. I see this type of comment conversation on lots of issues involving our kids. . .circ/anti-circ, vax/anti-vax, co-sleeping/independent sleeping, public school/private schoo/homeschool. . .and the list goes on. I am disappointed in us as mothers.

The bottom line is, moms who love their kids and make choices according to what they feel is best for their families should not be judged by other moms just because they are not the same choices they would make. Many times, we make choices that are less than the **best** for our kids for a thousand different reasons. Ever fed your kid fast food or fruit snacks? Given in to a tantrum just to gain silence? I have. Just sayin'. None of those choices are considered to be the "best" by the experts. Yet we've all made one at some time in our parenting careers. At least one. And the reasons don't really matter.

The point is, they're OUR reasons. OUR choices. We each pay different consequences for all of our choices. Do you have to pay the price for the choice of the mom you're judging? NOPE. You have your own set of consequences. . .and don't kid yourself, there ARE pros and cons to EVERY decision. Every single one. There are no perfect parents, only a bunch of broken people doing the best we can. If we put as much energy into offering friendship and support to other moms as we do into tearing down the ones that don't do everything exactly like us, we mothers could be a powerful force for good.

She Loves Her Sissy. . .

2011-07-14T19:43:00.000-05:00

I think one of the most delightful things about watching my two girls together is seeing how much they love each other. They both have their selfish moments, but for the most part, their relationship is loving and just plain fun to watch. GG is 6 (AND A HALF, if you ask her), and she is so gentle and sweet to her little sister. She wants to be the first one into AG's room every morning, greets her with a very sweet, "Hi, Baby!" and proceeds to smother her with hugs and kisses, which AG loves.

A few times, GG has gone out for a day with a friend or an afternoon movie with Daddy. The whole time she's gone, every 5 or 10 minutes, AG is asking, "Where's Sissy?" . . .with a concerned look on her face. And she very excited to see her when she returns home. AG is pretty lost without her "Sissy."

They have their times of rivalry like any other sibling pair. Any fight is usually over a toy (it's amazing to me that a 6 year old and 1 year old can want to play with the same things so OFTEN!), but they resolve it quickly. As AG develops her independence, GG is dismayed to learn that she won't always do what she tells her anymore, but it's a learning experience for both of them. I look forward to watching them grow up loving each other. I'm sure their relationship will have its rough patches like any other, but I'm hoping they grow up to be wonderful friends.

My girls are 5 years apart and seem, for the most part, to get along splendidly and love one another very much. What are the age gaps of your kids and how do they interact?

Contentment

2011-07-13T10:18:00.000-05:00

Contentment seems pretty hard to come by in today's world. Everyone is always looking for the next best thing. I see it in my own life on a daily basis. Always wishing there was more money in the budget for "fun." Wanting nicer clothes or a bigger house in a better neighborhood. I'm realizing that until I'm content where I'm at, I think God loves me too much to give me the next bigger, better thing. Contentment is something that once achieved, will help us to have a much better life perspective. No more constantly striving to be other than where we are. Able to stop and smell the roses (so to speak). And so. . my perspective changes.

That little bit of extra money we've been trying (not always succeeding) to set aside every month in an effort to move to a new house/neighborhood? I'm feeling like it's time to look at using that to maintain the house we already have. That's not easy for me to say, because I WANT a new house. . .but the scripture in Luke that says, ""If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. . . ." still rings true. So next comes the list of priorities and questions. Do we refinance our house to pay it off sooner? What "maintenance" items should get priority so we can pay them as we go? How can we troubleshoot the things about our location that drive us crazy? (people walking down our driveway at all hours of the day and night to cut through from the street behind us). I don't have all the answers yet, but I'm praying God will give wisdom. . .and that He will help me as I venture into this new and uncomfortable territory of learning to be content with where I'm at.

It's not human nature. . .but with His help, I know I can get there. . .and be a much more peaceful person for it.

All or Nothing. . .?

2011-07-12T11:46:00.000-05:00

The title of this post = my cleaning style. And I'm trying to change it, but it's SO hard!

At the beginning of my marriage (read-when I first had to clean my OWN house), I didn't work for 3 months and we had no children. Our little 800-square-foot apartment was spotless. Always. Seriously, you could eat off the floor. I cooked dinner every night (what newlywed couple has the money to eat out? Well, at age 20 anyway.), and stuff just stayed clean. I was bored out of my mind because how many times can you vacuum the floor in one week, really?

Then, I got a job. And the days of perfect clean were over. I began a cycle of. . .cleaning for 9-12 hours on Saturday (and not every Saturday, just the ones when it was getting to me), walking around behind my husband picking up his sock fuzz for 2-3 days afterwards, then completely letting the place go. . . Until it piled up to maddening proportions, at which point I spent another 9-12 hours cleaning. It became a vicious cycle. Either my house was spotless, or it was a total disaster. . .and when I say disaster, I'm not exaggerating. We're talking having to wash a dish out of the sink to have a plate to eat on, contemplating a package of new undies from Wal-mart because the laundry is so backed up. That kind of disaster.

Then I got pregnant, and very, very sick. "Morning" sickness was a joke. I puked morning, noon and night. Cleaning was not happening. Ever. And while I love my dear husband, cleaning is really not his thing either. He's as messy and lazy as I am. So the disaster became somewhat perpetual. Until I asked a dear friend for help a few times toward the end of pregnancy so I wouldn't be bringing my sweet new baby home to a lab culture situation. I eventually got back into my all or nothing rhythm of cleaning with the new little one. Sometimes horribly dirty and cluttered, sometimes almost spotless. . .but completely spotless was never to be seen again. Really.

After baby number 2, I realized that something had to give. No one can live this way, and the junk was starting to bug my husband, too, which is hard to do. I was able to become a stay-at-home mom and I was ecstatic. Finally, my house would be clean. . .all the time. (Okay, so I can actually hear you laughing out loud as I type this.) NOPE. As anyone who has ever been a stay-at-homer knows, your primary job is to care for the children, not clean the house. AND you're at home all the time, making messes. Perfectly clean is a pipe dream. It's not going to happen unless you ignore the children completely and clean like a fiend, and even then, I'm pretty sure those ignored little ones will manage to mess it up.

It was at this point that I read a book entitled, The House That Cleans Itself, by Mindy Starns Clark. I read a review of the book in a parenting magazine and it sounded like just what I needed. The points I was able to take away from the book and apply in my own home are:

-When you have kids, at some point you have to learn to be okay with "clean enough."
-It's important to organize your house in a way that helps you keep it clean, rather than works against you.
-Use little snippets of time to do mini-cleaning tasks, rather than setting aside whole days and hours to do it all at once.

There was a lot more to the book, but these are the things that really turned it around for me.

-I realized that our dining room had become sort of a "hub" in our house, but that it also had to be a dining room. I changed the type of furniture in the room to things that had a lot of storage/organizational space.

-I bought an inexpensive shoe rack to house all of our shoes. Instead of an unsightly pile in some rooms and digging around in the bottoms of closets, all the shoes are now in the same place and easy to find.

-I re-purposed a pencil box for my husband to use as a "go box." A place to drop his glasses, keys, wedding ring, work badge, etc. at the end of the day that wasn't my kitchen counter.

-I bought a photo bulletin board to keep all the pictures people give us displayed easily. This eliminated the crazy mess of pictures/magnets on the front of my refrigerator.

There were other changes (I used more containers to organize the closets, etc.) and my house still doesn't stay perfectly clean. But I can say that it stays "clean enough" most days. AND, when it gets messy, it takes about half the time it did to return it to a manageable state.

So. . this post isn't really meant to be an advertisement for the book, but rather an invitation to share your own cleaning style. Are you naturally a "clean enough" housekeeper or do you struggle with all or nothing? Leave a comment and let me know.

Cloth diapering has changed me. . .for the better?

2011-07-02T10:54:00.000-05:00

It's been about 5 months since I took the plunge into cloth diapering. I can't really explain why I decided to try it. I'm a stay-at-home mom and wanted a new "project?" Maybe. I think it's because it's just something I'd never tried and I wanted the experience. Once I started, it became a little addictive. There are SO many cute cloth diapers out there. . .and I have to admit, it feels good. Once I recoup my start-up costs (in about 3 more months), I'll be saving money every month. It feels good to know I'm not contributing to the overflow of landfills with my dirty diapers. I know it's healthier for my daughter as disposables contain different chemicals that may or may not be harmful long term. There are lots of good reasons to cloth diaper, but I don't think any of them are really why I started. I just wanted a new challenge. . .and I got it.

In the beginning when the diapers are new, it's pretty easy. Just an extra load of laundry every few days. Then after a month or so, you start having stink issues in clean diapers. They are usually pretty easily solved, just a vinegar and/or baking soda treatment here, a Blue Dawn strip there (Google it). What has really surprised me is how cloth diapering has changed my whole perspective on human waste. Don't read on if that sounds gross to you. ;-)

Before cloth diapering, a "blowout" grossed me out to the point that I have been known to throw away clothes. More than once, when my baby leaked out of her diaper, a onesie ended up in a public trash can. Now, not only is there less leaking in general with cloth, but I'm more equipped to deal with such messes. I always have a wet bag with me for containment. I've discovered that a quick swish in the toilet (at home of course) will remove most of the poop from just about anything. I know that a quick wash in cold water without detergent before a regular wash cycle prevents odors from setting into stuff. . .and I know that a good scrubbing of the hands will get the poop off, my hands won't fall off or be permanently stinky, and if they do smell, a good lemon juice wash will do the trick.

Yesterday, I was cleaning my toilet and a stain wouldn't come off with the usual methods. So I took a rag, put my hand into the bowl and began to scrub. When it was clean, I remembered how disgusting I used to think that was. I have a friend who always cleans her toilet that way, and I used to gag at how she could do that without a glove or a toilet brush or anything. Now I get it. It's just not that big of a deal. To be fair, I'm still grossed out by public toilets (God only knows the germs that reside there) and other people's body fluids, but I've come to realize that my own kids' "messes" are just normal. I guess cloth diapering has normalized this for me, and for that, I'm grateful.

7 ways kids have changed my cleaning habits. . .

2011-07-01T20:10:00.001-05:00

As I was cleaning the house today, I realized my methods have changed since I became a mom. I'm sure fellow mommies can relate. Here are some of my musings. . .

-Before I had kids, clean meant 9 hours of scrubbing, scouring and organizing. Now? 4 hours is pushing the limits of everyone's sanity.

-Before, I mopped my kitchen floor without fail at least once a month on my hands and knees with a bucket of water/cleaner and a rag. I had to get all the corners this way and nothing else was clean enough. Now? I'm possibly madly in love with my steam mop. . .and the bucket makes an excellent container for storing those rarely used rags.

-Before, I dusted my baseboards every time I cleaned. Now? Uh oh, I just looked down.

-Before, dusting involved a can of Pledge or other furniture polish spray and a towel. Spray, wipe, polish till it shines. Now? A Swiffer Duster to knock the dust off and then vacuum. Half the time. Good results.

-Before, I cleaned my ceiling fans a bit more often. Now? When the rain of dust begins OR I turn them off and notice the mountain ridges of dust, I clean them then.

-Before, clean meant spotless, everything in its place, shiny, perfect. Now? Clean means everything put away, no obvious dirt and no bad smells.

-Before, I cleaned my bathtub often. . .or at least as often as the rest of the bathroom. Now? I "check" to see if it needs cleaning. If it doesn't look gross, it isn't. ;-)

So are you as clean and organized as you were before you had kids? Or are there corners you cut every now and then, too. . .or even just tips that could help other busy moms? Leave a comment and let me know.

Our Day of Pampering?

2011-03-05T14:19:00.001-06:00

Yesterday GG and I spent a lot of the morning cleaning (with her doing those things a 6-year-old is capable of), so decided that while AG was napping in the afternoon, we were going to have a "spa day." We chose to paint our fingernails and toenails (I let her paint mine. . .which made them, er. . interesting). At the beginning of it all, we put heated olive oil on our hair (homemade hot oil treatment) and covered our heads with shower caps. The goal was to let it sit on our hair for 30 minutes while we did our mani/pedis and then wash it off in the shower.

All was going as planned. GG painted her toenails while I painted mine, then I let her paint my fingernails and I did hers while mine were drying. AG woke up a bit earlier than expected so I put her in the high chair while we finished nail painting, then washed and rinsed GG's hair. By then, AG needed lunch, then needed to nurse. I finished GG's shower process (she does most of it herself). By then, AG was screaming to get out of the high chair so I set her free. As I went to get my shower, I discovered that GG's shower used all the hot water, so I decided to make some cookies while I waited for it to reheat. Cookies were made and in the oven when I realized that due to unforeseen circumstances (i.e. having children?) the olive oil/shower cap were still on my head and two and a half hours had elapsed since I applied them. I couldn't leave the cookies in the oven to burn so still I waited.

The irony of this struck me as I sat at the computer getting some work done. Let me just say that after two and a half hours of olive oil hair treatment, I no longer felt pampered. I felt. . .well, oily. . .and kind of sadly neglected. The water finally reheated and I got my shower. I will say that once you wash it out, it does leave your hair feeling luxuriously soft and shiny. My fingernails are painted alternating sparkly purple and pink and look a bit like I dipped my whole finger into paint, but the important thing is we built memories. I love my life.

The Nature of Mourning. . .

2011-02-25T10:04:00.000-06:00

I've had my own experiences with mourning. . .we all have. There's nothing pleasant about it. Grief happens when something we didn't want to happen, well. . .does. I can't call it unexpected because sometimes it isn't. When an elderly grandparent dies, we know it's the normal circle of life, but still it hurts. The pain of separation is there whether the deceased is 19 or 99. For those of us who hope in Jesus, it truly is just a separation, because provided the one we lost shares that hope, we know we will one day be reunited for eternity.

Then there was my miscarriage. My baby was a person, no doubt, but the grief was different than what it would be if I lost one of the children I've met, loved for many months or years and built a relationship with. It felt more like the death of a dream, but very painful all the same. The death of dreams also calls for a season of grief. It's still unexpected and painful. Still disruptive to the natural flow of our lives. Still requires a path through the pain to reach a place of hope and relative normalcy again.

My recent observation is not about the particular events we mourn, but rather the nature of our mourning. It amazes me the way we judge ourselves and others in the process. Because it is a process that is so inherently personal. . .so individualized that there really is no way to measure how it should look. Some people cry a lot, some stop talking, some talk more than is usual for them, some get busy, some get tired. . .but the point is, we have to do what feels right in our own hearts. There is no time table for grief. . .and I'm often shocked when I find myself suddenly melancholy over something I thought I'd "gotten over" months or years ago. I've come to realize that this is also completely normal, but if I focus on where I "should" be, I miss the healing that might be taking place right now. We're so afraid of sadness that we miss its purpose. And we're afraid of the sadness of others. . . .I think because it touches the sadness in us. How beautiful the relationship when we ALLOW the mourning of someone else to touch our own pain. We are then able to weave our heart with someone else's and truly be with them in their sorrow. In my experience, having a friend willing to sit with me as I just feel the pain of grief and mourning is the most comfort to be had. No judging, no suggestions for self-help, just empathy, love and time. Food for thought.

Shameful

2011-02-19T11:48:00.000-06:00

. . .or is it? I feel ashamed every time I log on to my blog and see that it's been seven months since my last post. But then again, who's really reading it? Not sure. Bloggerguilt is a funny thing. It's a mixed emotion. Then it leads to posts like this one. Posts about nothing in particular, just to mark a place in time to say, "Hey, I'm still here, just have nothing meaningful to say." One thing about it though. Posts like this one make me redouble my efforts to think of something interesting to say. Sometimes my resolve sticks, sometimes not. So. . .maybe there will be a new, delightfully entertaining or informative post in the next week or so. Or maybe not. How's that for committal? I refuse to give in to Bloggerguilt. Or do I? Time will tell. :-p

Sometimes it just ain't easy bein' me. . .

2010-07-10T01:23:00.000-05:00

I've had an interesting week. . .and a productive week. . .and a stressful day thrown in for good measure. Tuesday my hubby was off work an extra day after the holiday, so I decided to use that time to get some errands done. My morning started off with restoring my newly repaired laptop data and discovering that somehow my budget didn't make it. Yikes. I spent almost three hours recreating it from scratch. My stress level began to climb.

Next up, I go pick up my leftover yard sale stuff from a friend's garage (long story) and take it to a consignment shop. Already stressed after the budget ordeal and trying to hurry because I have many other things to get done, I begin to unload my things. I discover that it is necessary to not only traverse the large parking lot to the drop off point, but also weave through the aisles of the consignment store. I bring in the first tote full of stuff and set it near the drop off point. I return to my car with a shopping cart (that first tote was HEAVY). I unload the rest of the stuff into the shopping cart, top it off with a larger item that won't fit in the cart but straddles it well, shove a five piece luggage set underneath and set off toward the door, pulling my wheeled office chair behind me. I lose control of the cart, then the chair, then the cart (chasing one then the other, gah!) and finally make it to the door. The luggage set, of course, falls off as I wrestle the cart/chair combo through the narrow door and people are squeezing in on either side of me. Finally, some decent human holds the door open and I manage to shove everything into the building. It's 95 degrees outside and I'm drenched in sweat after this ordeal. I begin to follow the red tape line as instructed by a store employee when I first arrived. To my dismay, I discover that another employee is stocking a shelf in that aisle and doesn't want to move. She directs me to the end aisle because it's wider (and because she doesn't want to move. . .did I say that already?). As I'm waiting in the end aisle beside the line, yet another employee comes out and shoves the tote I already brought in to the floor beside me. She then proceeds to tell me that I'm standing in the wrong place and that I should have followed the red tape line. I explain to her that the employee in the tie-died shirt was in the red line aisle and told me to come this way. She continued to lecture me that there is a REASON for the red tape line and I am causing a traffic jam. My resolve to be extra nice, as this is my first time in the shop, begins to wane a little, but I calmly tell her that I UNDERSTAND what she's saying about the red tape line. I was FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS. I digress. . .(can you tell the red line incident was irritating and stressful? It builds.)

After waiting until all the other people in the line (even those who arrived after me) finished their drop-offs, I bring my things to the intake person (yay, it's the cranky one!). She tells me that the first tote she shoved back at me is stuff she's going to "pass" on. It's almost all of it. You need 20 items to open an account. I arrived with close to 30. She goes through all of my stuff and announces that I have only 12 items she's accepting. If I can bring in eight more by Friday, I can open an account. If not, I'll need to haul all of my things back out to my car now, or I can donate them to charity. I begin to cry. Yes, cry. Did I mention I cry when I'm stressed/angry/ready to rip someone's hair out?

After I manage to mostly compose myself, I pull out the things I'm willing to donate to charity just so I don't have to haul them back to the car. If they're not accepting them, I have no use for most of it. As I'm sorting through, I discover a grocery bag filled with jewelry (all new) that hasn't been opened. I say, "You don't take jewelry?" in what is now a less than pleasant tone, because I know they do. . .there are racks of it in the front of the store. She says, "Oh, I didn't see what was in the bag. Okay, you have enough items now." I say, "Thank You, GOD," and I really mean it. I think God saved me from slapping someone. At this point, yet another employee springs into action to get my account paperwork filled out. She is nice and seems embarrassed that the other girl is so rude. I get confused about the totes I brought in, can't find a cart and she helps me get my stuff back together so I can take the "seasonal" items they won't take now but will later back home with me. I tell Nice Girl that I'm not usually this scattered and she says we all have days like that. She puts me at ease in my final moments there. I hope she gets promoted to Consignment Store CEO and fires Rude Girl.

From there my day got better. I sold a few items to a second hand kids store, got all my grocery shopping done, and bought a table on sale that I'd had my eye on for a few days. All this set me up to finish my home organization project I recently started. I just wish I didn't cry so easy. . .and that there was no such thing as red tape.

I Miss Her

2010-06-11T14:22:00.001-05:00

I'm currently out of town, helping my mom go through and clean out the house my "Nana" has lived in my whole life. We are sorting through her things, deciding what to keep and what to toss. . .and what to do with it all. Normally, this is a process that occurs after someone dies. Our situation is different. My Nana is alive and physically doing pretty well. About eight months ago, she moved to a nursing home because her mind is going. . .some days almost gone. She has Alzheimer's, which I have now come to know as one of the ugliest diseases in existence. She didn't know me when I last went to visit, or rather didn't recognize me. Her mind is stuck in another decade, where I'm a much younger person. Once we explained my identity, she knew me for a while and we had a moment of connection. A moment where I felt I was saying goodbye. And it hurt. A lot. She has been one of the most influential people I've had the pleasure to know in my life. A treasure, even when she's been less than perfect, which was often, as it is with most of us.

Anyway, as I sat in her house this morning among stacks and boxes full of her things, I could almost feel her there with me. Some argue that there's no call for sadness now, she's still alive, but I would argue that now is the perfect time for sadness. . .because the little old lady that sits alone on a hospital bed in the nursing home is not my Nana. . .Or at least not completely. There are still pieces of her there, but the parts I knew are disappearing little by little. In some ways, it's worse than losing her to death. At least death happens all at once, not over months and years of remembering and forgetting. So I am very sad today. One way I cope with sadness is to write. A blog like this one or even a poem, or something like a poem. That's what I did today as I sat there with my eyes closed, drinking in the memories that drifted around me like so many fragments of the past. Something about the combination of her scent (a mixture of moth balls, Estee Lauder body powder, and hand lotion) took me back to my childhood. Call me sappy or overemotional, but here it is. . .

Hot summer day

Light cold breeze blowing all around me

Her scent surrounds me

I close my eyes and she's whistling in the kitchen

Humming a tune as she moves around the room

The droning of the old window unit is white noise

Cartoon voices from the television chatter incomprehensibly in the background

I can taste the freshly peeled carrot she gave me after school

The faint light filters in through the lace curtains at the window

Sunbeams mixed with dust float lazily in the air

The sensation of being loved so completely invades my heart

Her essence is here, but her mind is gone

Her possessions are here. She is not.

I miss her.

Hello again!

2010-05-26T21:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's been awhile since my lost post. A long while. I have to admit, I'm struggling a bit to adapt to my new stay-at-home status. It seems like I'd have so much time on my hands, right? WRONG. I'm not sure how it happened, but I think I'm actually busier than I was when I worked!! Some days it's scary!

GG is working on a kindergarten workbook now, and has been for the last month or so. She's a smart kid and a very quick study so doing it with her has actually been fun. She's eating up the pages so fast, I'm actually considering starting her on a first grade curriculum in the fall.

AG is growing up too fast!! She's seven months old and I can hardly believe it! She's usually a very happy, smiley baby. . .unless she's not. Then she's REALLY not. She has a temper, and not being held is typically what provokes it. The girl LOVES to be held.

Here's a new pic of the girls. Again, I'm hoping to get back to regular blogging soon.

The Garden of My Heart

2010-04-10T17:08:00.004-05:00

photo by John Tann

I know it's been a long time since my last post. Ah, the busyness of motherhood, right? I'm going to try and spend more time blogging going forward. I find it therapeutic, so I might as well make the time to do it!

Today, I spent a few hours working my flower beds, weeding and cleaning out debris. Those of you who know me personally are currently picking up your jaw off the floor in shock that I spent time "gardening." Here's another shocker for you. . .I actually enjoyed it. *Gasp*

I understand learning about God by looking at His creation in general terms, but while weeding? Really? Oddly enough, I found myself pondering deeper spiritual things while prettying up my little garden space.

I started thinking of the "strongholds" in my heart like the weeds in my flower bed. I'm referring to anything that keeps me stuck in any area as a stronghold or a "heartweed." I'm sure any of you can relate to a point. It's that old attitude that pops up out of nowhere years after you thought you were over it. Or the anger you feel rising unexpectedly about a situation that doesn't even involve you. Or the fear that seems to overtake you in a situation that most others would find trivial. And many, many, many more of the heartweeds that pop up when you least expect it, or that you've known were there for years, but just haven't managed to get rid of.

So here's the lesson I learned from the weeds. First, there were the big, extra leafy weeds that were open and obvious. I looked at them and thought the roots on those things must be totally huge and go deep into the soil. Imagine my surprise when I started digging only to discover that they barely had a root at all, and they were easily plucked out and disposed of. Then there were the tiny little stick-like weeds that looked completely unobtrusive. I casually grabbed hold of one and pulled. . .and pulled. . .and PULLED. . .and rested and pulled again. OH, the roots that were attached to those! Not only did they run deep and big, but many of their roots had given off shoots that ran everywhere into the soil. They were a huge challenge to get out, and some of them probably had pieces left behind that will cause them to grow back, just because I was tired of pulling.

I'm guessing you already see where I'm going here. The obvious conclusion is that surface appearances really don't mean much. I know in my life, I've sometimes found that a fear I've been struggling with for years is very shallowly rooted, and only requires me to face the cause before it's easily plucked out and resolved. The more disturbing to me is the deeply rooted weeds in my heart. The ones that look so benign on the surface. Those are the ones that knock me back to my knees every time. The ones I know only a supernatural touch from Jesus can remove.

The main lesson I learned today? No matter the size of the weed or the depth of the root, you have to get your hands dirty to get it out. Now that's profound, eh? Only when I choose to be honest with myself and with my God will change truly occur. And honesty is messy. And ugly. And sometimes heartbreaking. But completely necessary. I'm fooling myself if I think God doesn't already see the mess. Obviously He does. He sent His son to die for that mess, so that I could come to him, washed in the blood of Jesus, and allow Him to clean me, heal me, and repair my brokenness without fear of ever seeing Him react to the "ick" factor. It's hard to remember and hard to accept because it's so easy. Many times, I think I'd feel better if I could somehow earn His love. Falling on His mercy is scary sometimes, but He's never dropped me yet. And I'm so glad He's willing to get His hands dirty right along beside me in my heart. Because the freshly weeded flowerbed is so beautiful to behold. And my freshly weeded heart is more fit to love than it was before. . .

She's Here!!

2009-12-03T19:16:00.005-06:00

Okay, okay. She's actually been here for about 6 weeks. I'm ashamed of the lengthy time period since my last post. Here's hoping I'll get back in the "swing" of things soon and be a more faithful blogger!

My beautiful baby girl, who shall hereafter be referred to as AG for blogging purposes, was born on October 20th, 2009 at 2:39 p.m. via scheduled C-section. She weighed in at a hefty 9 pounds, 5 ounces and was 21.5 inches long! No wonder I was miserable for the last several months! She was (and still is) a big girl. I think she's gorgeous, but I may be a little biased *grin* and she is an awesome baby. She is already sleeping from 6 to 8 hours at night and nurses like a champ. I'm loving being the mommy to two little beauties.

Just to bring everything up to date, GG had her 5 year checkup and is healthy as she can be. I let her get her hair cut (she'd been begging me for a year) right before the baby was born. I think she looks too grown up now but you be the judge. AG had her 6 week old checkup yesterday and she is now 12 pounds, 6 ounces and 22.75 inches long! She is already getting ready to start wearing her 3-6 month clothes. She is a good eater so I'm not surprised.

Sorry to any faithful blog followers I have out there. I know it's been months since I've posted, but I promise I'll try to do better. I really do enjoy blogging, I've just been lazy. Let's just call it maternity leave and move on, okay? See you in the blogosphere!

Form or Power?

2009-10-17T11:37:00.001-05:00

My daily scripture that came on my e-mail this morning was from 2 Timothy. I read it as usual and a partial sentence caught my attention. I'll admit it-I often read this scripture with that “blah, blah, blah” feeling in my brain because the list of evils listed is so long, but this morning, it wasn't the list that grabbed my thoughts, but the last part.

2 Timothy 3:2-5 “For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of god, holding to the form of religion but denying its power. . .”

Usually when I read this, I think of it as those forms of religion that are very sanctimonious and take pleasure in putting on a show. The kind that's all about ritual and right, not about relationship. Today, I saw it in a different light, and I saw where I am often guilty of just this type of “form.”

Example? How often am I guilty of calling myself a Christian, but failing to show compassion to those around me. How often do I judge the motives and actions of others without truly knowing their hearts? More often than I'd like to admit. Even in my own life and thoughts, I find myself saying the right things, like “I'm just trusting God to work it out,” or “Well, He's in control,” but do I really believe it? Am I actively trusting Him by working out my salvation and my problems with Him, or am I just copping out by saying it's in His hands, all the while continuing on as I am, worrying or pretending everything will work itself out, while ignoring His pleas that I examine my heart and take action? I'm afraid I'm guilty of the latter all too often. Trust is an active thing with Jesus. It doesn't mean throwing up my hands in “surrender” and then sitting on them while I wait for Him to “fix” everything. More often, it means crying out to Him through the sweat, tears, and pain of seeking His purposes.

A more tangible example is childbirth. I'm currently nine months pregnant so I'll admit it's an example that sits at the forefront of my mind. What if a woman in labor decided not to participate in the birthing process at all? God did design our bodies for it after all, and to a certain point, the body does what it needs to on its own-I know that is true. But what if the woman instead decided to lie there writhing in pain, but refused to tell anyone what was happening, refused to push, and refused to allow anyone to help her if something went wrong? How would a birth like that turn out? The baby might eventually come out and sometimes all might be well, but if she chooses to cooperate with God's design, how much better the experience!

When we hold to our “form of religion” but deny it's power, we often get these results. We tell ourselves that God is in charge and will somehow work it out, but He's asking us to push. Sometimes pushing means nothing more than allowing Him to examine our hearts and asking us to admit our weakness to Him, but sometimes He's giving us interim instructions on how to survive the trial and we're ignoring Him because it's just too hard. Maybe He wants us to give something up, or sacrifice for the sake of someone else, but we're so focused on our own pain and our own status as the “victim” that we aren't listening. And sometimes it's an even more serious heart issue. Sometimes we should be on our faces before Him, not just on our knees, repenting for our complacency and our self-pity. It's hard to look up when we're beat down, but it's essential for survival. The bottom line is, are we listening for His instructions, no matter how simple? Or are we claiming our form of religion, all the while denying His power to move us through the changes in life and walk us through the trials and pain we're going through. For me, it's definitely food for thought.

The Real Jesus

2009-09-11T10:16:00.003-05:00

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18

I've never really given this scripture a lot of thought-until today. Often when I share my faith with someone, they track with me until I get to the point where I talk about how I don't know who I'd be without Jesus, and how He's carried me through so many hard times. Then I see their eyes glaze over as if to say, “How can just believing in something do all of that?” Reading this scripture, their reaction makes a lot more sense.

For those of us who know Him. . . who have a relationship with Him, His power makes sense. You know you are a new person. When you look back into your past, you see a totally transformed life. I can't imagine reacting the same way now to things that used to knock me on my butt, both emotionally and spiritually. It's the trials and tribulations of life that have transformed me, but only through His power. Without Jesus, the pain of living, of losing, and of suffering would have just made me bitter, angry, and wounded. But with His comfort, strength, peace and perspective, they have made me stronger, smarter, and more resilient, all the while preserving a tender heart. His power is something I couldn't live without. His grace is something that keeps me moving forward when I want to lie down and quit. His love is the one constant thing in my life that never changes, and the unchanging goodness of His character gives life to my soul, especially in the midst of darkness. To me, the power of God is scientifically plausible, proven beyond a doubt, and dependable without question.

Now look at “those who are perishing.” They live in the same world, with the same pain. They see the rain fall on the just and the unjust and wonder what kind of God would allow the innocent to suffer and the evil to prosper. They compare themselves to the next person and think they rate pretty high on the decency scale, and yet they experience more than their “fair share” of pain. How could some fabled prophet dying on an ugly piece of wood over 2000 years ago make any difference in their lives? How could just believing that something happened and accepting the message from an ancient manuscript do anything to ease their pain? Foolishness. It doesn't make sense. They need to win the lottery, finish school and get a better job, move to a nicer neighborhood, make more friends, meet the right man/woman, travel more, experience more of life. That is the way to more peace, more happiness. That makes sense.

So how do we convince them that Jesus and the message of the cross is the answer? We don't. He does. We live our lives before them and honestly share our struggles, with all the ugly emotions they cause and all the pain we endure. We don't pretend that being a Christian keeps us from suffering. We don't act like we can't be hurt and broken. We show them hurt and broken, but then we show them what it is that gets us through. What it is that changes us from the inside out. When we're weeping like there's no tomorrow, we let them see that, and then let them see that His hope is all we're living for. When we're tortured by our own fears, we don't hide it, but then we don't hide the fact that His peace is all that keeps us from insanity some days. We have to be real. Real people, with real struggles and a real God who gets us through them.

The world doesn't need another empty promise. Humanity isn't crying out for the corner neighborhood church that has all the pat answers and a 12-step program. They need Someone who'll walk with them in the trenches. They need Someone who understands their suffering, and won't turn away from the gore and ugliness that is in their soul. They need the real Jesus. And it won't make sense until they see His face. The face that understands their suffering, the injustice and the pain and doesn't turn away. The face that loves them because of who they are, not in spite of it. Only then can foolishness become power.

Rant Alert-Poor Customer Service

2009-08-20T11:08:00.003-05:00

We got DirectTV installed this morning. It's replacing our current cable arrangement with Charter Communications. I loathe the customer service at Charter, so I figured this would be better. I won't even get into my issues with Charter here, it would take a whole other post to cover it all.

The tech for DirectTV arrived 10 minutes before the appointment-which I much prefer to sitting around for 4 whole hours waiting for someone to show up. He installed the dish and the box and was done and gone in under an hour's time. I was very much impressed. I got GG set up watching an episode of Spongebob and came in to work on my computer.

About 45 minutes later, I got a call from someone calling himself a "quality assurance inspector" with DirectTV. His name and number came up as a personal cell phone on my caller ID and he was asking me if the service tech was still here or had left. I told him I wasn't comfortable giving information to someone who wasn't identified with DirectTV but was showing up as a personal phone line. He got a little rude with me then and said I could call DirectTV to confirm what he was telling me if I liked. Since he mentioned something about coming by to inspect the installer's work, I decided that was a good idea. I wasn't going to let just anyone into my house.

I called DirectTV's customer service line and a very nice lady told me that the quality person was doing what he was supposed to, but that if I was satisfied with the installer's work and everything was working properly, I could just call him back and tell him it was fine and I didn't need to let him inside. She said she understood my hesitation to allow a stranger inside.

I hung up and called the guy back. I told him DirectTV had confirmed his identity and that the tech had indeed finished and gone. I told him everything was working properly and I didn't need him to come and inspect inside. He then became quite defensive and said he never told me he was going to come inside my house, he just needed to inspect the work that was done outside. I told him that was fine. He continued to rant about how he was just doing his job and normally doesn't even have to call the customer but the tech wasn't answering his cell. He said if I didn't "want him on my property" that he would not come. I told him an outside inspection was fine but he interrupted me and said he wasn't coming on my property.

I stopped listening at that point. I told him that when I politely question the identity or validity of someone's claim and they get an attitude and become defensive, I automatically get suspicious that something isn't right. He interrupted me again, loudly telling me he didn't have an attitude, etc. I told him I was going to complain to DirectTV about his behavior. He was still yelling in the phone when I said, "I'm hanging up now. Thank you! Bye!"

Now, here's the sad part. I haven't called DirectTV to complain because I'm afraid to! What if I complain and they call him on it or worse yet, fire him. He knows where I live and did not sound like a rational or calm kind of person. I'm afraid he'll do something to me or my house. So, while I'm quite furious with his behavior, I guess I'm going to suck it up and get over it. I just hope this is a one time "flaw" in the DirectTV customer service experience. I'd hate to think I left Charter's evil for another one.

The Magnificent Blue Whale

2009-07-20T21:39:00.004-05:00

For all who don't know, I am almost 27 weeks (almost 7 months) pregnant. I'm not the smallest pregnant lady you've ever seen. I realized one day a month or so ago that I'll probably never be referred to in passing conversation as, "You know, that cute little pregnant girl we saw. . " and I've come to terms with that.

The other day, I was sitting in the waiting room for physical therapy (neck and shoulder tension is a beast!) with GG, who is 4 1/2 years old. We were sitting quietly and I noticed her studying me for a few seconds. Then she seriously and very sweetly said, "Mommy, you're as beautiful as a blue whale in the ocean." Yes, she really did say it.

Taken completely off guard by her *ahem* compliment, at first I didn't know what to say. Then realizing that in her mind she had just said something wonderful to me and had no idea about the size issues I was struggling with, I calmly replied, "Thank you, sweetheart." How's that for a reality check? Kids say the darndest things. . .

Our Fender Bender

2009-07-11T18:02:00.002-05:00

The good news is that we recently purchased a brand new 2009 Honda Odyssey mini-van. It's gorgeous! Black Pearl paint, tan leather interior-luxury in a mini-van. The bad news is that we bought it on Tuesday of last week and got hit pulling out of our driveway on Saturday! UGH! I'm glad it wasn't a more serious accident, but boy does it hurt to see a brand new vehicle in that condition.

To add to the adventure, I was hit in the side of the head, the ear, and the right arm with the side curtain airbag. I rode to the ER in the ambulance just to make sure the baby was okay and that my eardrum wasn't blown. It isn't, but I still can't hear today, one week later. The ringing in my ear is intense and loud. Certain noises are way too loud on that side, and yet I can't always make out what folks are saying to me if there's background noise. Baby is great and still a girl-she flashed us her private parts on the ultrasound the day of the accident. I really hope my hearing and my ear is not permanently damaged. From an airbag of all things.

We thought our car suffered only minor damage. From the outside, it didn't look too awful. Our insurance appraiser has valued the damage at $5700 and the collision center says it will take them AT LEAST until the end of July to repair it. So hello beautiful new car, and goodbye again. Instead of getting acquainted with all the new luxury features of the van, we are making it work with a tiny Mazda 3 rental car and our good 'ole standby car-the Dodge Intrepid. That car has been through a lot, too, but it's like an old friend-always there when you need it.

Now we just assumed from the beginning that the accident was our fault-we were the ones backing into traffic-so it never occurred to us that other details would be that important. That is, until the other driver told our insurance company that he was travelling up our street, saw us backing out of the driveway, stopped when he saw us and we backed into and hit him. ALL of the damage to our van is on the back SIDE. One piece of the front of his car was laying in our front yard, another piece in our neighbor's driveway PAST the point of impact, and our van was pushed sideways from the blow. Interesting as I didn't realize our van was actually capable of travelling sideways to strike a car in the street. Must be a new addition to the luxury features I mentioned. Yes, I have little patience for dishonesty. While all dishonesty is wrong, I have a particular section in my pet peeve library for pointless dishonesty. If it was our fault anyway, why lie about what happened just to make yourself look a little better? Okay, I'm done ranting now. Thanks for reading. . .those of you who didn't give up halfway down the page! =)

Forgiveness or Healing?

2009-06-27T23:01:00.001-05:00

I was reading my bible in Mark tonight and again, was hit by the feeling that there was something I was missing in a passage. If you want to read the whole story, it's in Mark 2:2-12. It is the story where Jesus is teaching and a paralytic with four tenacious friends is trying to get to him, so they cut a hole in the roof and lowered their friend to Jesus. In Sunday school, we always heard this story and about how his friends helped him get his healing. They always focus on the “Take up your mat and walk!” part of the story.

What I'm pondering now is this-Jesus doesn't heal the man right away. In fact, I'm not sure he intended to heal him at all. His first reaction when he sees the cripple and his friends is to say, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” The religious folks sitting around were slightly appalled at this and begin thinking to themselves how full of himself Jesus was for saying such a thing. “Only God can forgive sins. Who does this guy think he is?” When Jesus sensed their thoughts, he asks them a question. “Why are you reasoning these things in your hearts? Which is easier; to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, pick up your stretcher, and walk?' But so you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins. . .” Only then did he tell the man to get up. After that, the religious men were astounded and praising God saying they'd never seen anything like it.

My real focus here is on the scribes. When Jesus forgave the man his sins, they were almost indignant. When he healed his body, they were overjoyed. Did Jesus delay the healing for their benefit? Perhaps he was hoping they would see the bigger picture and understand that forgiveness of sins is paramount. What I see here is that too often, we tend to judge what God is doing in the lives of those around us. Or, we judge another person as not being “spiritual enough” to get God's healing. Jesus knows the “real us” from the inside out and what it is that we really need. This challenges me. The next time I see a fellow Christian doing something I don't see as “spiritual,” I want to take a minute to think about what God may be doing in that person's life.

God is a precise surgeon, only working on the parts of our heart that are ready for his work. We must be careful not to be judgmental of that work in those around us. Jesus is the expert, we are merely there to observe and support, much like the friends of the paralytic. Their faith got him in front of Jesus in the first place, then they backed off and let the Lord do his thing. There is a lesson in that.

Cleaning Frenzy

2009-06-04T13:09:00.004-05:00

It started out as our regular "morning chores." Every day when we're home, GG and I pick up, make beds, etc. We run a duster over stuff on Thursdays and start laundry, too. Today, I got a cleaning frenzy going and nothing was safe. I did bathrooms, vacuumed, dusted (with the duster still, I'm not THAT crazy), and Swiffered the floors. I even took apart GG's pedestal fan and washed that, then gave the dog a bath. It felt great to get it all done but now I'm exhausted!! I learned a few things, too.

-I need a lighter vacuum cleaner. My sciatic nerve is killing me from lugging that big 'ole thing around!
-I have no sense of humor when I'm cleaning. I felt like a drill sergeant. . .like GG should instinctively know what to do next. She didn't of course. . .
-There is no limit to the number of ways a four year old can walk in your path when you're carrying something heavy. It's like she has a radar for the path of MOST resistance, and follows it faithfully.
-Washing all the sheets while cleaning the whole house sounds like a great idea at the time. However, when you want to drop your exhausted body on your bed and take a nap when you're all done, the sheets don't help much when they're still in the dryer!!

How's that for random thoughts!!

We Hide, But He Persists

2009-05-28T10:51:00.009-05:00

Look at me, posting two days in a row. I'd better be careful. You guys will come to expect it!

I was reading my bible last night and the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years (some versions read "issue of blood") caught my eye. I read the story and didn't really see anything new, but I had the sense that there was something there that went a little deeper that I needed to see. Here is the story from the Holman Christian Standard Bible-for your convenience: (Luke 8:42b-48)

While He was going, the crowds were nearly crushing Him. A woman suffering from bleeding for 12 years, who had spent all she had on doctors yet could not be healed by any, approached from behind and touched the tassel of His robe. Instantly her bleeding stopped.
"Who touched Me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said,
"Master, the crowds are hemming You in and pressing against You."
"Somebody did touch Me," said Jesus. "I know that power has gone out from Me."

When the woman saw that she was discovered, she came trembling and fell down before Him. In the presence of all the people, she declared the reason she had touched Him and how
she was instantly cured.

"Daughter," He said to her, "your faith has made you well. Go in peace."

As I read it the second time, the phrase that stuck out to me was "Somebody did touch Me." I found it interesting that Jesus was not content with his disciples' reassurances of, "It's just so crowded in here, everybody's touching you!" He persisted because He knew it was more than that. In my translation, there's a footnote in verse 47 that adds something. The text says, "When the woman saw that she was discovered. . ." The footnote adds, "literally-that she had not escaped notice. . ." Ah, there it is. She didn't want Jesus to notice her. She knew who He was and what He could do. She knew if she touched even the tassel at the hem of His robe, she would be healed. She just wanted to get her healing with the bare minimum of contact, and slink back through the crowd to her home, as quietly as possible.

How often do we come to Jesus in the same way? I know I do. I just want Him to fix this or that as quickly and painlessly as possible, without really taking the time to look into His face. Why is that? As I pondered this more and more, I realized that you can't truly look into the face of Jesus without getting more than you bargained for. He will heal the broken places in your heart, but in return He wants your heart. He longs for a relationship with me, not just to hand out "quick fix" solutions so I can be on my merry way in life. He knows that to do that would be a disservice to me. I would "grow up" as the child who always got gifts from her parents, but never got to sit on their lap and bask in the deep, unconditional love that molds and makes a child into a well-rounded adult.

The other thing that holds us back is shame. We are ashamed of our sickness, our weakness, our inadequacies. We shrink back because we expect a reprimand or a slap on the hand that's reaching for the cookie jar. But look at Jesus' response to the woman when she finally does come forward:
"Daughter. . .your faith has made you well. Go in peace." Wow. There was no, "How dare you touch me without my permission!" or "Don't you know you have to be saved to be healed?" He drew her out just because He wanted to see her face and wanted her to see His. Just a glimpse of the one who had been so desperate as to press in and touch Him without notice and then escape. He knew that if their eyes met, she would never be the same.

I challenge myself and anyone else who's up for it this week to take the time to look into His eyes when we need something. Let Him decide how long to hold our gaze. We will walk away changed.

Our New Routine

2009-05-27T20:16:00.002-05:00

So after my last post, I had some friends who came over and cleaned my hurricane. . .er, I mean house. I can't say I "hired" them because I'm sure I paid them way under market value. Basically, they clean because they love me and I make a small donation to their vacation fund in return.

Since then, GG and I have decided we are going to keep up with the housework. On the days when I don't go in to the office or to church (Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday), we have chore time after breakfast. This involves from half an hour up to an hour of straightening, picking up, making beds, and wiping off counters, etc. Nothing heroic, but so far it's working. I also bought a Swiffer 360 duster to run over the furniture once a week (we have animal hair galore around here!)

GG seems to be enjoying chore time and doesn't want me to do it without her. She's getting pretty good at helping make the beds and I think I'm going to get her a duster of her own to use so we can actually accomplish something on dusting day. It's keeping her toys picked up and overall, it's a good plan. If I can only stick to it long term. . .we'll be set!

A Blog About Nothing. . .

2009-05-16T09:46:00.004-05:00

I've been severely neglecting my blogs lately, mostly due to being busy with finals at school and being out of town-but really that's no excuse. I was complaining about one of the blogs I read not being updated in a long time and realized it was the pot calling the kettle black! So here I am, trying to think of something to blog about.

In all reality, my creative juices just aren't flowing right now-maybe it's the pregnancy affecting my poor brain. Blogging isn't the only thing I've been ignoring. My house greatly resembles the aftermath of a hurricane, and my laundry only gets done when someone runs out of underwear. Or when someone (namely me) has to start wearing the "B grade" underwear-you know, the ones you save because they're not totally worn out, but the elastic doesn't quite hold them up anymore? The ones you wear only when everything else is dirty, and that you would never wear on a road trip if you listened to your mother as a kid ("What if they had to take you to the hospital after an accident? Would you want the paramedics or doctors to see you in those?")

So I guess this is a post about nothing. The name of my blog is the "Rambling Mommy" after all, so it's my prerogative I suppose. If something brilliant strikes me in the next day or so, I'll come back and impress you all with my deep insight. Thanks for reading!! I'll try to do better. . .

Isn't It Enough?

2009-03-27T11:10:00.013-05:00

photo by Bùi Linh Ngân

This post has been rolling around in my heart for weeks now. I've sensed God using it to work something out in my heart, but I haven't really understood exactly what He was doing. I still don't know all, but I wanted to share some of what He's shown me, stepping out in faith that someone else here may be struggling to understand a situation, and maybe. . .just maybe, this will speak to their heart as well.

At the end of February, I attended a Ladies' Gathering in Atlanta, Georgia. I posted a bit about the main speakers and their messages. Overall, it was an awesome time, everyone I listened to had some great insight or wisdom, and I went away blessed. The one thing I didn't post about at the time was the one statement that probably impacted me most over the whole weekend.

I attended a songwriting workshop, led by singer and songwriter, Shannon Wexelberg. She is a sweet, authentic young woman who inspires just by her personal story. During her workshop, she shared a testimony about a very difficult time in her life. She conceived a baby after many years of infertility, only to lose the child in an early miscarriage. She was naturally devastated, and for the first time in her life, she was angry with God. As she attempted to work through her emotions during that dark time, God spoke to her. He said simply, “If the cross is all I ever did for you, isn't it enough?” She shared that she was humbled by that statement, and it led her back to a place of faith.

As I sat there in her workshop, that simple statement hit me like a sucker punch to the stomach. During that busy weekend, I thought about it numerous times, but didn't really have time to process what God was trying to work in me.

As I began to ponder exactly what that meant, I felt a transformation begin to occur in my heart. One of my biggest struggles has been understanding why God allows bad things to happen to His people. I don't mean things like cars breaking down or large home repairs, I mean the big stuff like miscarriages, terminal or debilitating illness, and the deaths of children.

I know life happens to everyone, but something inside me has always felt like God should protect His children from the biggies. . .and that's the place in my thought process where I froze. GOD SHOULD. My mind went back to the book of Job. If ever anyone had reason to resent God, Job did. God may not have caused his calamity, but He gave Satan permission to cause him pain. He lost everything-his children, his wealth, his health-and was left with the worst friends I've ever encountered as his comforters. They advised him to curse God and die, told him the whole thing was probably his fault somehow, and were just generally unhelpful (all except the one).

When all was said and done, did God apologize to Job for not protecting him and give him a “aww, poor Job” hug or pat on the back? Nope. Here are some of the words in God's response to Job's questioning that most speak to me: (found in Job 38)

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements--surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors, and said, 'Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed'?”

My first reaction to this verse? Ouch. God just asked Job, “Who are you to presume to understand My ways, or to think you're 'entitled' to my protection?” That is a question that would make me want to run and hide in shame. The good news? God doesn't stop there. He doesn't leave us pounded into dust, wondering why we're still alive-even Job's story doesn't stop there. We have a promise that gives us purpose, “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good. . .”(Romans 8:28) ALL things-even the really horrible ones.

This brings me back to what's really been bouncing around in my heart. Why do I feel entitled to certain things as a child of God? Does He really owe me anything? I have found myself angry with Him because He didn't do what I expected Him to do. He didn't make it “all better.” He doesn't intervene every time I go through a rough time, at least not in a tangible way. I think sometimes He eases the suffering behind the scenes, but I'm so wrapped up in my own agony, I miss it. The bottom line is, He fulfilled his promise to me on the cross. He took the punishment once and for all time for every sin I've ever committed, whether I meant to or not. He gave me the gift of eternal life when I'd done nothing to deserve it. If the cross is all He ever does for me, isn't it enough?

It should be, but my human heart is so afraid of pain. The truth is, the pain that I've suffered throughout my life has made me who I am today. Without pain, we fail to learn compassion. Without trials, we fail to learn how to persevere, and according to Romans 5:4, perseverance produces character and character, hope. Without the bad, painful parts of life, we would never learn to hope, or to appreciate the times when our joy is unspeakable and overwhelming. Would we truly appreciate springtime if we never experienced a winter? The joy I feel at welcoming my next child will be expanded by the loss I felt at losing the last one. I am not grateful for the loss, but I am grateful that my God saw me through, never let go of me, and has the power to bring beauty from my ashes. The character of God is good at all times. It doesn't change depending on my circumstances.

In the midst of all this heart remodeling, I found a song that I've learned has been out for a few years. I've never heard it till now. It's called “Bring the Rain” by Mercy Me. It's on the player at the bottom of this page if you've never heard it. I can't listen to it without weeping because my faith is so challenged. The trust required to say “Jesus, bring the rain” is beyond where I am today, but I believe I'm getting there. There's still a part of me that's afraid to completely bare my tender heart before Him. I know He loves me, but will He be as careful with my heart as I want Him to be? I know there's a freedom in that level of trust, and I know I can get there, but there's a part of me that doubts His goodness. It's hard to see His goodness in the middle of pain. My head knows it's there but my heart is still searching for it.

So I invite all my readers to ponder these truths. I'd love a lively dialogue on the topic, and I'm open to correction or challenge. It's taken me weeks to muster the courage to post my thoughts, but I truly believe this is a step of faith in challenging myself to embrace the goodness of God. What are your thoughts?

Her Face

2009-03-01T20:34:00.003-06:00

For those of you who know my sappy artistic side, this poem will not come as a surprise to you. For those of you who don't, my background is not that much of a mystery. I've been writing poetry in many forms since I was a kid, my first being "published" in a Sunday school magazine for elementary age kids. My latest experiment is the non-rhyming variety, which is harder than it sounds.

I was looking at my little girl yesterday and suddenly the beauty of her face overcame me. Instead of picking up a paintbrush and immortalizing the image on canvas, like a painter would do, I had words that describe the emotions fanned by that inspiration burning in my heart all day. I'm no Emily Dickinson, but here's my attempt to capture the moment. . .

Round rosy cheeks
Eyes alight and sparkling

Always searching and curious

Always clear and honest

Trusting even in sadness

Sweet kissable face
Precious innocent smile
Soft, velvety skin
Lips that utter wisdom

Far beyond her years

Dancing like no one sees her
Laughing like she's tickled inside
Smiling like beauty is everywhere
Loving like pain does not exist

Her twinkling eyes inspire me
Her jubilant kisses revive me
Her innocence softens me
Her love overcomes me

My sweet girl is a gift
And her face is the beautiful window into her soul

Questions

2009-02-23T10:29:00.004-06:00

My friend/babysitter was standing in her kitchen last week when my daughter came in to ask her a question. GG spread her arms out wide and asked, "Why did Jesus die on the cross for us again?" "Again," meaning she thought she knew but wanted to confirm.

"He died for our sins. He took the punishment for them so we can be forgiven," Lorie answered.

"Sins," GG contemplated, "Oh, you mean the bad things we do?"

"Right," said Lorie.

Lorie's little girl joined the conversation and one of the girls asked a question like, "Where is God?"

Lorie responded, "He's in heaven but also in our hearts and minds. He can even see what you're thinking!"

At this point, GG seemed thoughtful and said, "You wanna know what's in my heart, Lorie?"

"What, sweetie?" Lorie probed.

With a completely serious facial expression, GG said, "Questions."

And that, my friends, is the story of my life. GG has questions.

Positioning

2009-02-20T21:16:00.005-06:00

Another great meeting tonight. Gail McWilliams spoke about many things, but one that stands out is the value of life. When she was pregnant with her second daughter, she was told by the doctors that she would have to choose between her eyesight and her daughter's life because she was likely to go blind if she continued the pregnancy. She chose life and now has a total of 5 children. All of her children have special gifts and talents that they use to bless others around them.

She spoke about God using us where we are and that many times, we think we are stuck in our lives, but we're really just "positioned." God sometimes has us in a place to make a difference when we think we're going nowhere. His purposes and plans for us are "higher" than we can ask or think. Our stories make us who we are and allow us to relate to those who are positioned around us. Food for thought.

An Awesome Speaker

2009-02-20T07:26:00.005-06:00

I'm currently in Atlanta, Georgia at the Foursquare Women's Gathering, and having a great time.

Last night, we enjoyed hearing a wonderfully refreshing speaker. She's a comedienne in the Christian community, Chonda Pierce. She wasn't refreshing because of the comedy she incorporated into her message, though it did make her very entertaining. The real strength of her presentation was her transparency. She was so open and honest and real. She shared about her battle with clinical depression. For those of my readers who don't know, for some reason, that topic is taboo in the Christian community. Some of my fellow Christians seem to think that if you're depressed, you're just not spiritual enough, or don't have enough faith. This makes us retreat into ourselves and refuse to get help. If we just deny that there's a problem, maybe it will go away.

Chonda received treatment from therapists, psychiatrists, and takes medication for her condition. She decided it was time to get help. Depression is still something she deals with every day. The truth she shared that really stuck out in my mind? Now she has the privilege of worshipping Jesus because of who He is, not because of what he can do for her. She praises Him because He is worthy to be praised, not because He keeps her happy all the time.

I truly believe that if more Christians would invoke this kind of honesty about their struggles and their walk, we would all be on a quicker road to health and wholeness. Being "real" about the condition of our hearts in our dark moments invites others to be real as well. Our feelings exist whether we admit their presence or not. Hiding depression and sadness beneath a super-spiritual facade not only harms us in the long run, it makes those we try to reach for Christ or those other Christians we minister to think it's the way to behave. Psychology is not "of the devil" or "anti-spiritual." Why do we put God in a box? Why can't He use psychiatric medication and therapy to bring healing in our lives? Who are we to dictate how He moves?

I pray that more Christians will come out and speak about the reality of their stories and struggles. Only then will we truly learn to worship Him "in spirit and in truth."

The Day Has Passed

2009-02-03T13:55:00.004-06:00

The due date came and went, and I think the dread of it was worse than the actual day. I did think about the miscarriage several times, but few tears. I was very busy at work all day, which may have helped. Sunday was hard (the day before) and saw many tears. Most of my friends knew the due date was Monday, and were so gracious and sweet to me. This, of course, brought tears, but to me those kinds of tears are healing to the soul.

Knowing people care enough to want to comfort me is salve to my wounds all by itself. I got an unexpected basket of pretty flowers from a friend of mine in New York. Instead of making me cry, it actually made my whole day. To think someone halfway across the country thought enough of me to do that was enough to boost my mood quite high! =) Thanks to all of my readers who prayed for me or just thought about me yesterday. You guys are a great support.

Can You Drive In Snow? No? Please STAY HOME!

2009-01-29T13:21:00.006-06:00

Photo by pfly (flickr)

So when this big winter storm all first started, I was at work and had to get GG from the sitter's house and get home. The next morning, her dance class was a go, so I also had to drive there and back. Then I had a doctor's appointment. Needless to say, I was on the road a lot when we were getting the first 4 inches of snow and sleet. I have some things to say about St. Louis drivers.

*insert sarcasm here*

*All drivers-If you're waiting at a stop sign to turn out in front of me, please wait until I get about five feet away, going 30 mph and then peel out in my lane. I love to follow you at the 10 mph you choose to drive in the snow. I live for it!

*18-wheeler drivers-If I'm driving in a lane you want to be in, by all means, get over anyway. I'll surely slam on my brakes to save the lives of those in my car. Why should you be concerned?

*Owners of 4-wheel-drive vehicles-No need to slow down on ice. After all, you have a 4x4. That'll give you a much higher vantage point than the rest of us when you're sliding off into a ditch, taking 2 more cars with you.

*The really scared driver-Those hazard flashers are very helpful when driving 20 mph on the interstate in the passing lane. I'm so happy I saw you, right before the car behind me plowed into my bumper.

Okay. *takes a deep breath and tries to lose the sarcastic tone* If you do have to go out on ice and snow, try to think about the other folks driving with you. We all just want to reach our destination, alive and in one piece. If each of us will just drive at a reasonable speed, look out for other drivers, and exercise a modicum of basic human courtesy, we'll survive the winter just fine.

Silly Dog

2009-01-28T11:54:00.005-06:00

This morning, I opened my back door to let my little daschund mix dog out to do her business as usual. What is unusual is the 6+ inches of snow currently on the ground. She barrelled off the back porch without so much as a glance over her shoulder. When the snow's this deep it comes to her chest, so she doesn't just make footprints, she makes a tunnel to her destination. Despite her love for bulldozing through the snow, she does not enjoy getting her little bald belly cold when using the "bathroom."

I watched her plow her way over to the swing set and then squat under the slide where the snow was indented to go number one, then I got on the phone. A few minutes later, I looked out my back window to see her standing in the driveway, on the other side of the fence that's meant to keep her in. Panicked (we live on a busy street), I quickly hung up the phone and raced to find my snow boots. I shoved my feet into them and raced out the back door, without bothering to put a coat on. GG was right behind me, shouting, "Don't let her get squished by a car, Mommy!" No pressure, right?

As I approached the back gate, I noticed that she was squatting to go number two in the tire tracks made by my hubby when he left for work this morning. That silly dog somehow burrowed her way out of the back yard in minutes, just to find a shallow place to take a dump. I opened the back gate and called her. She came right inside to eat her breakfast. She wasn't even a little interested in running away, she just wanted to keep her undercarriage dry. Such a silly little dog.

Moments of Sorrow

2009-01-25T16:43:00.005-06:00

I don't post this blog for sympathy, but rather to help any of my readers who are suffering in a similar way. If you're new to my blog and want some background, check out a previous post Jesus is My Anchor, written shortly after my miscarriage earlier this year.

Ever since I stopped crying on a daily basis, I think about my lost little one from time to time. Occasionally, a pregnant belly or new baby will bring tears to my eyes as I think about what might have been. For the most part, I'm doing much better and not grieving too much, if at all on most days. Today, I had a rough day.

It began in church this morning. As a part of our worship service, we sang the beautiful worship song, "I Can Only Imagine." I was playing the drums today because our drummer just gave birth to her first child a few weeks ago. She is my very dear friend and seeing her newborn son has been a bittersweet experience for me. I don't begrudge her in the least and I love that sweet little boy. In spite of that, I can't help but think about my own little one that was due in just a week.

Back to the song. . .as we sang about what heaven will be like, I caught sight of another friend in the congregation snuggling her 4-month-old baby. She has lost 4 babies, one of whom was born and lived only an hour, named Hannah. As I watched her with her new little one, I began to cry as I thought about how much she must miss Hannah, and how grateful she must be to have her newest addition. Then I started thinking about my own little baby, now in heaven, and the tears came harder.

This new bout of grief hit me out of nowhere. I wasn't even thinking about this when the morning started. Suddenly today, it hit me that if our baby had survived, we'd be making the final arrangements for going to the hospital and getting the nursery ready. I thought by the time my due date arrived, I would be comforted by a new pregnancy and new hope, not still suffering the uncertainties of infertility. The loss suddenly seemed so fresh and so real, so I cried there in front of everyone, my heart again feeling like it was sitting in my chest in tiny pieces.

Ever see a vase or something that's been broken and glued back together? That's how I see the heart of any parent who has lost a child, born or unborn. It still works fine, but you can't ever quite hide the lines and bumps from the places where it was shattered. Too many people try to do so buy covering it with a fresh coat of paint or hiding it behind a piece of furniture. I believe it is my responsibility to put mine out there for all to see. I want other mommies to know that it's okay to still be hurting months or even years later, as long as we're still allowing our sorrow to turn our faces to the One who can wipe our tears and tend our wounds. This side of heaven, our broken hearts are bound up by His love, and we have a capacity for compassion that we never would have known before.

I've spent a lot of time today hugging and kissing the beautiful little one I do have here with me. She is a light and a joy. I watch her delightful little facial expressions as she talks to me and uses such grown-up words, and I thank God for allowing me to have this little blessing here in my world. Her sweet little face still lights up when I spend extra time with her, and she glows as we do our secret, special kisses at bedtime. I am grateful for the gift she is to me and for the awesome little family I enjoy every day. Life is a bittersweet dance between the joy and the sorrow, but it is the darkness that makes us truly appreciate the light.

Commas

2009-01-23T09:11:00.003-06:00

This editing gig is turning me into a raving maniac. No, I wasn't one before, thank you for asking. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Ever hear of a little punctuation mark called the comma? It looks like this , . Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure a lot of "professional" writers out there have forgotten its purpose, so I'm going to relieve my anxiety by giving a free refresher course to anyone who's interested.

*Commas belong in a series. If you're talking about fuzzy bunnies, furry doggies, and crazy kitties, put a comma in to avoid confusion. Some authorities say it's okay to leave out the comma before the conjunction ("and" is the conjunction), but it usually makes a sentence more concise to use one.

*Commas belong after an introductory clause. My sentence above is an example of that as well. (My introductory clause is, "If you're talking about fuzzy bunnies, furry doggies, and crazy kitties,"). As you can see the next half of the sentence makes a sentence all by itself. Without the comma, someone might think crazy kitties put a comma in.

*Use a comma to avoid the run-on sentence. Fuzzy bunnies are cute and furry, but everyone knows furry doggies are more lovable. The two halves of this sentence are independent clauses, each of which could stand alone as a sentence. Connecting them sounds better because it links the two thoughts, so make it work with ", but."

*Put a comma before "which," but not before "that." The dog that was barking last night has a very high-pitched voice. The dog down the street, which barks every single night, has a very high-pitched voice. In the second sentence, "which barks every single night" could be left out and the sentence would still make sense. In writer-speak, that phrase is referred to as a "parenthetical element." In the first sentence, "that was barking last night" tells us why we're talking about the dog in the first place. The dog has a very high-pitched voice leaves you scratching your head, wondering which dog.

*Never put a comma between subject and verb. The dog down the street that was barking last night spends a lot of its time barking. You might be tempted to put a comma between "night" and "spends," but that would be a mistake. "The dog down the street that was barking last night" is a long phrase, but it is the subject of the sentence, and "spends" is the verb.

*Don't write the same way you talk. This is the downfall of most comma abusers. If they would pause to breathe during a sentence, they add a comma. This leads to choppy, hard to read, sentences, that will make you want to bang your head, against a table, or other sharp object, until you lose consciousness. That last sentence was for effect.

Of course, my little rant is not an exhaustive list. If you really want to become a comma ninja, do a Google search for comma usage. I found this wonderful little comma guide online that contains excellent information. It also gives some practical advice on little self tests you can do to see if a comma is needed or not.

If I ever get a dedicated office space, I think I'm going to print a comma, and blow it up to fit in a 3' X 3' frame to hang on my wall. No one else will get it, but it will make me smile daily.

Ethics

2009-01-19T21:45:00.004-06:00

I'm taking an Ethics class in college this semester and already I'm scared. Part of this week's assignment was to read "Allegory of the Cave" by Socrates. Now that is some deep stuff. It took me almost an hour to read 6 pages and my brain is aching right now. I couldn't just read it, but I had to try and understand it. That was a challenge. I can tell this is going to be one of those classes that gets my "dander" up. Debates, challenging the way I think. . . .I'm tired just thinking about it.

Oh well. I'm sure it's good for me in the long run. It's always important to learn how other people think and understand why we believe the things we do. Whether or not it will be fun is yet to be determined.

The Cupcake Maker Invented by Satan

2009-01-18T21:13:00.004-06:00

For Christmas, my 4-year-old wanted a cupcake maker. I told her there was no way she was getting it, but she begged and pleaded and drooled every time she saw the ad on TV. She did not want an EZ Bake oven. This contraption is basically a glorified icing swirler. You mix up the cake batter and pour it into a muffin paper, then put it in the special baker and into the microwave for 30 seconds or so. Then, you mix up the icing until it's the consistency of cookie dough, put it into a syringe-type attachment and into the "machine." You pull down a lever and the contraption simultaneously dispenses the icing and swirls the cupcake around to make a delightfully beautiful little confection. Right? Not a chance.

I, being the adventurous person I am, decided to give this thing its first run on New Years' Eve, when GG's little friends were over. The cupcake part went fine except it takes a lot more water (almost double) to make the batter and a lot longer than 30 seconds (try 50 seconds) to cook it. After that, I mixed the icing and sadly missed the fine print that explains that the icing should be the consistency of cookie dough when you're done. I put the icing (which was the consistency of icing) in the machine and we swirled with all our might. We ended up with a puddle of icing beneath the cupcake and nothing on the actual cupcake itself. After two attempts at this and several young kids clamoring for a turn, I dumped the whole thing into the sink and announced that it was junk. I didn't want to say bad words in front of company. =)

Tonight, GG and I decided to give it another whirl. I caught the very important instruction about the icing thickness and I think it was a success, but it still doesn't make the pretty swirl that it does on the commercial, not even close. Basically the cupcake has a "suck all the water from the body through the tongue" consistency and you have to chew the icing. GG ate all of her cake, but not the icing. She said it was gross, and I tasted it and agreed. She had fun, though, and I guess that's what really matters. We will probably use it a few more times to get my "money's worth" before it either gets lost or mysteriously lands in the bin at Goodwill.

P.S. I can't wait to see what Google ads show up on my site once the crawlers find this title! ;-)

Make a Difference

2009-01-17T11:09:00.002-06:00

As I was getting my morning started today, I read a weekend devotional by Max Lucado entitled, "Today I will make a difference." It is one of the most profound things I have read recently and I encourage you to read it. Sometimes we get so caught up in the "to do" lists of life that we forget that each day, we have the power to make a difference.

Instead of complaining about the list of chores I have to do today, I'm going to enjoy the time of thought and reflection I can have while doing them. When I am finished with my tasks, I will have time to spend with my husband and daughter that is free from the nagging thoughts about the things I've been putting off. Who knew cleaning the house could be a spiritual experience? I'd love to start a discussion about this devotional if you want to start by leaving a comment!

Editing Rant

2009-01-16T10:01:00.005-06:00

I've been editing for a company that creates web content for a couple of weeks now. The pay isn't great but since I like perfecting things, I thought editing would be a great niche for me. I think I may have been wrong. I'm having a meltdown.

-Many of the writers wouldn't know an active verb from a passive one if it stood up and slapped them in the face. Not joking, not even a little.

-Another pet peeve? I'm not sure they've even heard of a thesaurus. Heads up, people-if you've used the same word 4 times in one paragraph, you might want to expand your vocabulary. Errggh. Get a Scrabble game if nothing else.

-If you're given a keyword phrase, aim to use it maybe two or three times in a 500 word article-at the most. Otherwise, it reads like a bad poem. (Many baby shower games are easy to incorporate into any baby shower. If your baby shower is to be held in the summer, consider an outdoor baby shower. Get the picture?)

-The guidelines clearly state that moderate use of the word "you" is acceptable and even encouraged to keep from sounding too formal. But if one chooses to use the word one instead, somehow one thinks one sounds more professional??

-If you don't know what to write about for 500 words, just write 50 words and then rephrase it 10 times. Yeah, that should work. No way an editor's gonna call me on that one. Example: Some dogs really don't like to go outside when it's cold. The cold is really hard on them. These dogs avoid leaving the house at all costs in cold weather. If there's a way to stay in and avoid getting cold, these dogs will find it. (not an actual article-just me showing how much fun it is to read fluff! Also, I can't get my dog to go outside willingly today.) =)

I'm starting to sound a little crazy so I think I'll step away from the computer for a few minutes. Feel free to post a comment with your "favorite" grammatical error. I promise not to correct your spelling.

Brrrrr, It's Cold Outside!

2009-01-15T20:13:00.004-06:00

It is insanely cold outside in Saint Louis today. I was planning to visit my friend who just had a baby for the afternoon, but chose to hibernate instead. Wind chills are below zero and temperatures barely hit double digits today. I've been inside with the extra heater running or under a blanket all day long. It seems on cold days like this, even the furnace can't quite keep up.

Maggie, my little dog, went outside and quickly did her business this morning, then high-tailed it back to the door and indignantly waited for me to let her in. I guess when your bare belly brushes the cold, frozen grass, playing outside isn't your best option on a day like this.

Return to Me!

2009-01-14T21:43:00.002-06:00

Sadly, my paid blog stopped paying me so I'm revitalizing The Rambling Mommy. I can blog here for free and I keep my own content, put up my own ads, and have no word minimum. What's not to like? I also make no money but that's totally okay with me. It's still a means to express myself, right? I hope all my readers will follow me back here. I'll try to update often!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T15:54:00.002-06:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2009. Remember to check out the blog I update more frequently, MomTalk. We've had a busy week so I haven't been keeping up with much of anything normal. I guess it's okay to have a week off, though, right? Anyway, Happy New Year everybody!

The Flu

2008-12-19T21:00:00.004-06:00

The flu is no picnic people. I started feeling bad on Wednesday afternoon, quite suddenly and yesterday I had a fever, chills, body aches. . the works. Today I'm feeling a bit better but exhausted and still with very little appetite. This is always an indicator of illness for me becuase I'm an "eater" by nature.
I really thought it was just a cold until the symptoms got so miserable yesterday. Some really good friends came and took the girl for the day so I got a 4 hour nap and I think that's why I'm feeling better. I need to get my energy back up because we have a big weekend ahead. We're going to see the Nutcracker tomorrow and have our church Christmas party on Sunday. I'm just hoping no one else in this house comes down with it. Being sick on Christmas is really NO fun at all.

Quick Post

2008-12-15T19:01:00.003-06:00

I'm not much of an ambitious person (translation-I'm lazy) and I'm having a bit of trouble keeping up with two blogs. Sorry for the gaps, folks.

We had a minor ice storm here in St. Louis last night. Read about my Blond Moment this morning related to that subject on my MomTalk blog. They're calling for more winter weather tomorrow. Ick, ick, ick. I miss spring/summer/fall already and it's only December 15th!!

Ouch

2008-12-03T20:03:00.005-06:00

Warning: This post may be too much information for some of you who are easily embarrassed.

Most people think of hemorrhoids as an old person's disorder. I can assure you it is not. I have had problems of this nature for many years, even before I was pregnant with my daughter. A few years ago, I developed my first thrombosed hemorrhoid. For those of you who are ignorant in this area, that is an external hemorrhoid that swells and develops a blood clot inside the vein. It makes it painful to sit, stand, walk and otherwise engage in normal activities of daily living.

When this happened to me before, I naively went to my doctor for assistance. He numbed the area in his office and removed some of the clots but could not get them all. He referred me to a colorectal surgeon, who I saw two days later.

I'm not sure what kind of person chooses to become a doctor specializing in colorectal surgery, but I can only assume he's channeling his need to torture people and there were no openings for a CIA interrogator. They have a table in their office where you kneel on the ledge and lay your body up onto the table. They then use a motorized pedal to position your bum high in the air so they can do what they need to do. A shot directly to the area (more painful than many things I've experienced) numbs it in preparation for this minor, in office surgery. You leave the office with gauze taped from your lower back on down, barely able to walk. It is NOT a pretty picture. Then you're in for sitz baths three times a day for a week or so and more pain than you can imagine.

After this experience, I prayed I would never have another thrombosed hemorrhoid. Yesterday, I awoke from a short nap to discover that my prayers had not been answered. I winced my way through the grocery store last night, carefully concealing a package of Tucks pads and Preparation H ointment beneath my milk and eggs in the cart. Of course there's no hiding it once you get to the checkout. You just have to hope the cashier has some decorum (and she did, thank goodness).

Then today, I had to call in and switch my work days because there was no way I could sit in an office chair all day long. For the record, this time the problem is WAY worse than it was the time I went to the doctor. It's always fun to tell your boss about problems such as these. As the day wore on, I decided that in order to go to work tomorrow, I was going to need some sort of cushion. I went to the pharmacy by my house that carries a lot of home health supplies. There I purchased a foam donut cushion and a sitz bath that sits on your toilet. A nice contraption that keeps me from having to get all the way into the tub six times a day. My friendly neighborhood pharmacist saw me standing in the aisle pondering what type of cushion to buy and came out to assist me. Then, as I was checking out at the front with my two items, the cashier said, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I don't have a bag for you." Terrific. So I openly carried my items to the car. At this point, I don't care that much. I get home and announce to my husband, "I am officially 81 years old!"

All this to avoid going to the doctor. I absolutely refuse to do that again, EVER. It basically just traded one pain for a new, more excruciating pain. I would rather stay at home in a sitz bath ALL DAY LONG than go through that again.

Now tomorrow, I get to sit in my very unprivate cubicle at the office on my newly acquired donut cushion and pray that those who don't know me well are not brave enough to ask me why. How's that for a good time?

*edited to add

My 4-year-old just looked at me sympathetically and said, "Mommy, do you need me to go downstairs and get your butt pillow?" How's that for salt in a wound? :)

Ode to Black Friday

2008-11-26T15:08:00.001-06:00

Up for a mildly amusing poem? Read Ode to Black Friday, a poem I wrote just for kicks. It's posted on my Mom Talk blog. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Writing Talent or Just Coherent Sentences?

2008-11-17T20:31:00.003-06:00

I am currently enrolled in College Comp II and I'm really enjoying the class. My instructor really likes my writing style and has asked me twice now to use my papers as models for future classes. He even wants to help me get one published. That is awesome but I have a hard time believing that my writing is really that good. This is a class at community college and I've seen what some of my classmates are writing (grammatical, spelling and sentence structure errors and all) and I'm wondering if he just sees so much junky writing all day that my stuff looks impressive in comparison. I'm going to let him try and publish my last essay so we'll see if a publisher thinks I've got potential or not. I'll keep you posted.

Sorry!

2008-11-12T21:21:00.004-06:00

I know I've been neglecting this personal blog as my brother-in-law just politely brought to my attention (thanks, Mike!). The truth is, I got a small paid blog position with Today.com and since my long term goal is to make a living from home with writing, I've been focusing more on that. Unfortunately, this blog is not much of a money maker. However, I am going to make more of an effort to post here at least once a week. Sorry if I've abandoned my original readers! Please check out my MomTalk blog for more up to date posts.

The Evils of Technology

2008-09-14T21:37:00.003-05:00

Okay, so from the title, you may think I'm a technophobe but I guarantee you that is not the case. I do, however, have very little patience for the quirks and short-comings of computer related "gliches" that do anything but make my life easier.

For example, we have a total 3 PCs in my house, plus my laptop. You'd think that at least one of these computers would be in tip top condition, right? Well, my husband's is but he's pretty much the primary user of that system as he saved up his "mad money" to buy it and it's made for gaming. I don't begrudge him that. The thing that gets under my skin is the other two. We had one set up for my daughter to use her new Fisher Price Easy Link Launch Pad that she got for Christmas. After a few months, that computer just stopped working, not really sure what happened. We could try replacing this or that or the other component but there's no guarantee it would fix it and with today's basic system running so cheap, why bother? Then there's the PC I use most of the time for writing, surfing and our personal finances. It was running perfectly and then one day last week I came downstairs to the awful smell of wires burning. The screen was dark and the system was completely non responsive. The CPU tower was so hot I needed potholders to touch it and I held down the power button to turn it off before it started a fire. I have yet to try and turn it back on because when I do, I have a feeling I need to be ready to get everything off of it I might need in case it never comes on again. I'm in the process of making that list.

That brings me to today. Among the many, many things that are on the burnt out machine is the template I use to transcribe interviews, a side job I do for my current employer for extra money. I had someone from work e-mail me a statement I'd already done so I could try and salvage the formatting from that. Unfortunately, my laptop, which is now my primary computer, doesn't have Microsoft Word, only Works (that program is EVIL). It does have a trial version but not all the features work and it's so expensive, I don't want to buy the full version right now. I worked on this for several hours today trying to get it to convert into a format I could use. I finally got the transcription done using several inefficient work arounds only to discover that it was impossible to finish it in Works because edit/replace feature was totally screwed up. Let me just say that by that time I was in tears and my husband was giving me one word answers because I'd been so mean to him (and really, he was trying to help me in spite of my attitude). He was explaining to me in pretty simple terms that I could download OpenOffice for free and have the functionality of Word and I said something to him like, "Really, I'm so mad I have no idea what you're talking about. You need to break it down to a kindergarten level right now." He did (just because he has the patience of Job) and I started the download and went upstairs to take a nap. Why is it that my brain shuts down when I get frustrated? Anyone else have this problem? To sum it up, now all is well and I'm back on track (with the exception of my upcoming PC salvage operation, wish me luck) and feeling rather stupid about my earlier outbursts. I probably should have titled this blog "The Evils of Crazy Women" but it just didn't have the same ring to it.

Do Car Births Happen Anymore? Oh YEAH!

2008-09-06T10:54:00.004-05:00

It was a warm summer night, around midnight, when I met my friends at the hospital. One of my best friends was in labor. This was her 5th child and she was pretty sure. Her contractions were 5 minutes apart and had been progressing since around 6:00 p.m. They began at 7 minutes apart and were not letting up when she changed her position like her Braxton-Hicks contractions had. At the hospital, they put her on a monitor for a little less than an hour and checked her cervix. The house doctor said she was dilated only to one centimeter. He called her doctor (or rather the one on call for her doctor) and told him she was laughing and talking through the contractions (all ONE of them he was in the room for) and only dilated to 1. The doctor said to send her home. We went back to her house and I decided to stay and sleep on the couch since we were all still pretty sure she would go that night. We got back to her house around 1:30 a.m. and all tried to get some sleep.
At around 2:30 a.m. I heard a lot of moving around upstairs when she got up, unable to sleep through the contractions. By this point, she was moaning and rocking through each one and they were coming pretty fast (mind you with her last baby, she labored at home until she was almost 8 cm but this time, she was worried she would miss her epidural and tried to go in early-translation, she has a high pain tolerance). We didn't have a watch with a second hand so I set the microwave timer and discovered that the contractions were only a minute and 50 seconds apart. YIKES! They called the hospital and told them she was really hurting now so they told her to come back in. That's when all the fun started. . .
As we walked out to get into the car, her water broke in the driveway. She told us her water had never broken on its own before so we knew the baby was close to coming. She got in the van and her husband drove VERY fast with his flashers on to get to the hospital 5 minutes away. As they turned onto the street that the hospital is on, the baby's head appeared. She pulled down her shorts and his whole body came out, right there on the front seat!!! She grabbed him and held him against her chest for the last block or two to the hospital. When they pulled up to the doors of the ER, she got out of the car, clutching the still blue infant to her chest with her shorts around her ankles and the placenta cradled there in her underwear. Sometime during the chaos, she had lost a shoe. The staff scrambled to action, someone took the baby and someone else came and took the placenta. They put her in a wheelchair and whisked her to the back. There was blood everywhere, all over the van and the floor. It was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed when it comes to having a baby.
As it turns out, everyone is fine and happy and safe. I told my friend that she's my hero, because I don't think I could have done it. The new family is now home safe and sound and enjoying their little 8 pound bundle of joy. I think the hospital should have to pay to have their van cleaned but that's another story. . .

Jesus is My Anchor. . .

2008-08-15T19:38:00.011-05:00

This is a very personal post for me, but then this is my "personal" blog. I wanted to tell the story of the loss that recently touched the lives of my family-my miscarriage. Caution-this post contains uncensored descriptions of my emotions during this time-even the ugly ones. I originally wrote this post for a support group I started on CafeMom. I hope it touches your heart in some small way. . .

I am 32 years old with one child (born in October 2004). My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 10 months before conceiving what I believed was our "miracle baby".

Everything went normally at first. I was not as sick as with my first pregnancy, but thought I was just lucky or it was a boy or something (some women say girls make you sicker). We saw that beautiful heartbeat on a transvaginal ultrasound at 8 weeks. According to most of the stuff you hear/read, after that (the heartbeat) you are mostly "out of the woods" for miscarriage so to speak. Technically, I know that your risk only drops to around 5%, but I never thought I'd be in that small percentage. Over the next week or two, we told everyone. I told everyone I work with and we announced it at church (or rather we had our daughter announce it-the memory of that is heartbreaking). It was so cute at the time. My husband and I are both on the worship team, so we had our little 3-year-old cutie pie come up and gave her the microphone. She proudly announced, "I'm gonna be a big sister," and everybody clapped and cheered. It was the sweetest thing. She was so excited to be a big sister. . .

Later, at almost 12 weeks, I had one small spot of bright red blood on the toilet paper after using the bathroom. This was after a day when I'd done a lot of walking and housework, so I just thought I'd overexerted. I called my doctor and he said it was probably nothing, but to come in the next morning and he'd do another ultrasound to make sure everything was fine. I spotted a little with my daughter early on so while nervous, I had convinced myself there was nothing to worry about.

The next morning (a Saturday) I got up early and went in to the doctor's office. He tried a transabdominal ultrasound, but had to get the "wand" out and go internal. He looked at the screen for a long time before he turned it towards me and said, "I'm looking at the inside of your uterus." I couldn't see a heartbeat. He said the baby must have had a chromosomal abnormality and stopped developing, because it wasn't measuring 11 weeks 6 days as it should. I was crying so hard by this point that my OBGYN (one of the kindest men I've ever known) actually hugged me for a few seconds. That was one of the darkest days of my life.

Over the next few hours and days, we had to "untell" everyone we had told. I did it grapevine style because I couldn't bear to talk to all those people with such awful news. The worst part was telling our little girl that she wasn't going to be a "big sister" after all. She was devastated once she understood that the baby had died, and sobbed about the loss of her title. That was really awful for me.

Next, I asked for a confirmation ultrasound before scheduling the D & C (my body would not miscarry on its own, apparently I'm really good at pregnancy, viable baby or not), and I had a D & C on Tuesday morning. I am so grateful that my doctor was sensitive to my emotional needs and ordered the confirming test, as well as the quick D & C. If anything could, that made it a little easier.

The thing that really shocked me was the depth of my sorrow. At first, crying didn't even seem like enough. I would lie in bed and groan from what felt like the depths of my soul. It felt like crying came only from my chest area, and the grief was coming from deep in my guts. I "prayed," but I have to tell you I told God what I was really feeling. I told Him I was furious with Him for letting this happen, and asked Him why He did and how He could. In the next breath, I begged for comfort and peace. I had a dear Catholic friend look at me in horror when I told her this. She could not fathom being that honest and railing at God (have you read the Psalms?). My response to her was, "He's a big God, He can handle it." Basically He knew I was thinking it anyway so what was the use in lying? I believe our relationship with Him is like any other. . .honesty is the best policy and communication is key.

Some things that are helping me through this time?

-Realizing that there isn't always a "reason" behind everything that happens to us, and that it's no reflection on our spiritual walk: Matthew 5:45 ". . .for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."

-Understanding that God did not "cause" this tragedy, and that He alone can bring good out of it: 1) Romans 8:28 ". . .And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." 2) Genesis 50:20 " . . .You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good."

-I bought a book written by Pastor Jack Hayford called I'll Hold You in Heaven. He shows scripture that indicates that God does not come down and put together egg and sperm, then change His mind and take it away. He created us to procreate without his individual intervention for every conception. When he breathed into Adam and Eve, He breathed "lives." This was very freeing to me, as part of me was seeing God as very cruel to give and take away like this. He created our bodies to work the way they do, and sometimes abnormalities are detected and dealt with by our bodies. It is the natural order of things.

-A friend who'd been through a horrible ordeal with a baby who died after a few hours of life gave me a book called Mommy, Please Don't Cry (by Linda Dey Maz). I sobbed through the whole thing (ironic given the title) but found it very healing. It is a short illustrated book showing a baby's life in heaven with Jesus. I highly recommend it.

-Music, music, music. I personally find music very healing. The words to a few songs totally describe where I'm at emotionally:
*Praise You in This Storm-Casting Crowns, "You are who You are, no matter where I am." The character of God never changes even when our circumstances do.
*Give-Third Day, "Were I to leave, where else would I go? The words of life and of truth You hold." Some days this was all I had to offer. "God, all I can promise is that I won't leave You."
*The Valley Song-Jars of Clay. The whole song is just where I'm at.
*When the Rain Comes-Third Day. When I'm wondering where Jesus is in all this, this song helps me see it.
*Glory Baby-Watermark. Painful but poignant.

-Another book (yes, I am a book nerd), an oldie called Hind's Feet on High Places (by Hannah Hurnard). The part that spoke to me most was when Much-Afraid (the main character) told the Shepherd that if she had to endure such sorrow and pain to reach the high places (grow closer to Jesus), she didn't think she wanted to go. The Shepherd (representing Jesus-it's an allegory, wow. . I am SUCH a book nerd!) didn't show anger or aggravation. Instead he laughed at her lovingly, and told her he knows her better than she knows herself and knows her heart is not to turn back from following him. He stays with her in her pain. It blessed me so much to think that Jesus wasn't annoyed or aggravated with me for my crisis of faith, but was lovingly guiding me through it.

-Finally, allowing myself to lean on the faith of close friends and family. On the days I couldn't bring myself to pray, I knew they were holding me up in prayer. On the days I wondered if my faith would make it, I knew they'd help me hold on.

So that's my story up to this point. I hope my graphics and raw emotion didn't make you uncomfortable, I just wanted to share a little of what I've been going through. While I still can't say I'm thankful this happened, I can slowly see the mercies of God shining through the darkness. My goal here is to encourage anyone going through a tough time that even if you're at the end of your rope, as long as it's tied to Jesus, He won't let you go. . .

Time Off to Mourn

2008-07-23T13:12:00.003-05:00

I just want to thank all of my readers who keep coming back to read my ramblings. Unfortunately, I will be taking an undetermined amount of time off. I recently suffered the death of my unborn baby at almost 12 weeks pregnant (the baby died between 9 and 10 weeks but we just found out) and need some time to myself during the grieving process. I'm sure I'll be back, because writing is usually pretty therapeutic for me. Thanks to all of you who are mourning with me. It is the only thing that is truly a comfort during this difficult time.

Lazy & Tired. . .That's Me!

2008-07-14T23:23:00.004-05:00

I have been neglecting my ramblings of late, mostly due to the woes of first trimester pregnancy. Some days getting a shower and brushing my teeth is a challenge and blogging has unfortunately been the thing furthest from my mind. Hopefully as my "What to Expect. . " book promises, new energy looms on the horizon. I'm greatly looking forward to it!!
My most recent 24 hours went something like this. . .
I stayed up too late talking to a friend on IM, then went to bed around midnight. Even though I was totally exhausted, I couldn't fall asleep because my mind just wouldn't turn off. So, I lay there staring at the big red numbers of my clock on the ceiling as they ticked off the minutes. I last looked at the clock at around 2:00 a.m. so I assume that's when I finally fell asleep. Insomnia is a vicious cycle. . I get mad because I can't fall asleep and then I can't fall asleep because I'm mad. Nice.
My alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m., a mere 4.5 hours since I dozed off. I stumble across the room (which is where the clock sits to keep me from hitting snooze in my SLEEP) and slap the snooze bar, then think better of it and reset the alarm for 7:00 a.m. I figure I'll go in to work a half hour late and make it up later. Unfortunately, a half hour isn't very long so I stagger downstairs at 7:00 a.m. and quickly eat a bowl of cereal to stave off the nausea I know is coming. The cereal leaves a bad taste so at 7:15, I'm in the shower chewing a piece of Double Bubble gum and just thanking my lucky stars I don't have to shave my legs today.
Fast forward through my LONG work day (it sure seemed long). I must have looked really rough because the substitute supervisor (mine is out of town) seemed almost afraid to talk to me today. It was nice because I got a lot done and it amuses me to wield that much power. I pick up my daughter and get home. It's 95 degrees in the shade and I have a headache that Tylenol isn't touching. I actually took a NAP at 7:00 p.m. and considered going to bed at 9:00 p.m. I reconsidered and am heading there now at 11:30, hoping I can fall asleep and stay that way all night. Wish me luck!

Fireworks

2008-07-05T17:09:00.003-05:00

Last night we went to watch fireworks at our local riverfront. It was absolutely wonderful. It was cool with a nice breeze in the 70's (unheard of for July in St. Louis). The fireworks themselves were spectacular, a really nice show, and unlike last year, my daughter really enjoyed it. This year she covered her ears a few times but last year she spent most of the show with her face buried in my shirt. So all in all, a good time was had by all. Happy Fourth of July!

Cell Phone Bans???????

2008-06-26T17:30:00.003-05:00

You have to know when I post two days in a row that I have something I want to rant about, right? The news today talks about more states who've passed legislation banning cell phone use in the car without a hands-free device. The thing that's stuck in my "craw" is the fact that people are reacting by saying that it's just as dangerous to talk on the phone "hands-free" as it is to use a handset. Experts (whoever they are) say that talking on the phone period is a distraction and should be banned in the car.
While I see their point, where does it end? Talking on a hands-free phone is the same as talking to the passenger sitting next to you (except there's no one to turn your head and look at, a habit I've been guilty of). If we want to ban every distraction while driving we'd have to also ban the following:
*The aforementioned talking to passengers in the car. Perhaps we should all wear a new kind of muzzle while driving that will be enforced by law. (I hope I'm not giving someone any ideas)
*Listening to/singing along with the radio.
*Eating in the car.
*Smoking in the car.
*Nosepicking in the car. Banning that would be good for everyone. It would eliminate distractions for other drivers as well.
*Transporting children by car-period. Kids are a natural driving distraction. They talk, they sing, they cry. . ."sorry, junior, due to the new safe driving laws, you'll be hoofing the five miles to school today."
My real point? You can't legislate good behavior behind the wheel. Some people are just bad drivers, careless no matter if they are paying attention to the road. Sometimes the government goes a bit too far sticking their noses in. Now, I'm fine with the ban on hand sets, that makes sense, but I think that's as far as we can go. At some point, people have to take responsibility for their own actions, put on their big boy pants and drive like a sane person-all without worrying about getting a ticket for drinking a soda.

The Joys of Morning Sickness

2008-06-25T20:00:00.003-05:00

I'd like to meet the highly intelligent individual who termed the wonderful nausea and vomiting associated with early pregnancy as "morning" sickness. Pregnancy sickness would have been a more apt name or maybe "random vomit syndrome", but DEFINITELY not morning sickness. I am currently about 8 weeks pregnant and the nausea, etc. I am experiencing is far from predictable. Some days it is worse in the morning, some days after lunch and some days at bedtime. I just never know what each day holds! So, for all you other little mommas out there in the thros of pregnancy puking. . .here are some of my pet peeves. Statements from those who obviously never had a very severe case include:
"Just eat a cracker before you get out of bed in the morning". Did it, threw up the cracker.
"Have a little white soda and some saltines when you feel nauseous." Maybe that works for some people but not for me. White soda actually makes me even more nauseous.
"Make sure you stick to bland foods. They settle your stomach." Maybe but then you have to choke them down first.

What has worked for me? Drugs. That's right folks, Zofran is a miracle drug. That little pill may not take away all the queasies but it helps me keep my food where it belongs, in the tummy. There are a few other tricks that have worked for me for a few days. It seems my body adapts and then I have to find a new angle.
*Pretzels. Something about the salt and the carbs it settling sometimes, and they taste better than saltines.
*Plain Coca-Cola. One can is under the caffeine limit for early pregnancy and something about the fizz/syrup mix can settle the tummy. (Incidentally, Coke syrup is an old home remedy for nausea).
*Sour candy. Actually most hard candy is helpful, even peppermints. Jolly Ranchers are my personal favorite. They get rid of that awful taste in the mouth and the extra saliva seems to decrease the nausea.
*NEVER allowing myself to get really hungry. This is probably going to lead to weight gain early but it seems the hungrier I get, the sicker I feel.

Bottom line, I think each woman has to find what works for her. When I share tips with other girls suffering from "all day" sickness, I make sure they know that even though it worked for me, it might not work for them. I try to avoid the "just do this and you'll be fine" attitude, mostly because I'm sure if it makes me cranky, they probably won't appreciate it either.

Do you have a weird anti-nausea tip that works for you? Leave me a comment; I'd love to hear it.

Head Injuries in Kids

2008-06-18T20:29:00.003-05:00

So once again I learned something I never wanted to know. . the hard way!! Last weekend, my little girl was running around the outside of a hotel swimming pool. I called to her to stop running and when she turned to look at me, she slipped and fell, slapping the back of her little head HARD on the concrete. I was at least 10 feet away and the sound made me sick. It even bounced a little. I felt like I was running in slow motion (I was in the pool so maybe I was a little) to get to her. She was sobbing hysterically and her eyes looked very sluggish to me, further freaking me out.
Fortunately, we were there with my step mom, an experienced R.N. She immediately started her own "triage" process. She checked her pupils, felt the area of the injury and started asking her questions to test her mental function. I sat there like a bump on a log, clutching my baby to my chest, trying not to cry. It was almost bedtime so we had to keep her awake for a few hours to make sure she didn't have a concussion. Long story short, she's totally fine now but here is what I learned.
*Most (not all) serious head injuries involve a loss of consciousness. If your child immediately jumps up and starts looking for you, that's a good sign.
*P.E.A.R.L. (I got this from my mom)-Pupils Equal And Reactive to Light. Hold her close to a light source and watch to be sure her pupils change in response to the light and that they are equal. Everyone's pupils are slightly uneven so if you're not sure if they look asymmetrical, they probably don't.
*Three signs I was told to watch for after we got home: pinpoint sized pupils, obvious disoriented behavior and vomiting. My "nurse" said if any one of those three things occur, take her to the ER.
Of course, as with any injury, when in doubt, just go to the emergency room. It's always better to be safe than sorry, especially when dealing with something as delicate as the brain. You know your child better than anyone. If you think he/she is acting strangely, get it checked out.
This is information I hope I never again have to use!

Travel with a 3-year-old

2008-06-12T17:21:00.004-05:00

I really thought I was an expert about traveling with a small child. . .that is until this past week, when I travelled with my husband and 3-year-old daughter. Overall, it was a smooth trip. My daughter is fairly flexible for her age. . she can sleep anywhere, eat anything and doesn't get too crabby when she misses her nap.

I packed most of our stuff in our checked baggage, my goal being to keep the amount of stuff we had to carry on the plane light. We ended up with one small carry-on bag, my laptop computer and my purse. Not too bad. The flight there went smoothly but we were cold when we got off the plane (Western Washington is much cooler in June than Missouri!). Our jackets were packed in the top of our luggage so as soon as we claimed our bags, we put on our coats and it was better. At some point in this ordeal, a family member asked me if I had packed an extra set of clothes for my daughter in the carry-on bag. "Not necessary," I said with confidence, "She doesn't have accidents anymore." Those words would come back to haunt me. . .

On the flight home, my little one was very tired (we left for the airport at 6:00 a.m.) and had a little cough all week, presumably from the damp weather. We boarded the plane and got to our seats. The plane took off and she was having a good time. She fell asleep on my lap and slept for almost an hour. When she woke up, she suddenly began to cry and said she felt like she was going to throw up. GREAT. I hit the flight attendant call light and began frantically digging through my bag for something. . ANYTHING. . to use as a "barf bag". I found a small paper bag and was fumbling to get it open when it happened. I managed only to deflect the stream of liquid with the bag, keeping it on on her clothing and my lap.

Luckily, I had the foresight to pack wet wipes and was handed another pack by a nearby passenger. Another passenger gave my daughter a peppermint to suck on. The flight attendants brought us some plastic bags for her clothing and the soiled wet wipes (a bit too little too late but they were nice). My daughter walked off the plane wearing my knit jacket like a dress with the sleeves rolled up and was none too happy about it. I learned a valuable lesson about packing for travel with a little kid.

*ALWAYS pack a change of clothes no matter the age of your child. They may not have potty accidents anymore but motion sickness is unpredictable at best.

*Throw a few plastic grocery bags in the outside pocket of your carry-on bag. Airlines no longer provide "air sick" bags in the backs of the seat pockets.

*Even if your child has never shown signs of motion sickness, make sure the meal he/she gets before travel is light and easy to digest. Keep hard candies or peppermints on hand to stave off nausea.

These few tips would have saved us a lot of trouble on our trip and I will be sure to keep them in mind the next time we go somewhere. Anyone else have travel tips? Please leave a comment!

Preparing for Vacation

2008-06-01T17:33:00.004-05:00

As our family prepares to leave for a week long vacation, I am overwhelmed with the amount of "stuff" there is to get done. Clean the house, do the laundry, get haircuts, go to the store, get the dog's Bordatella shot (so she can be boarded). . .and on and on and on! I've known when we were leaving for several months and still it snuck up on me. I'm trying to get organized to make the whole preparation process easier but getting organized is a task all in itself!
I started with cleaning the house. This helps me in two ways. First, I HATE coming home from a trip to a messy house. Second, the more organized the house is, the more confident I feel that I'm not forgetting anything.
Next, I postponed anything that wasn't absolutely necessary to get done before leaving. I prepared my various freelance clients for my absence and pre-scheduled my TV blogs (see sidebar) to publish while I am gone.
My next step is going to be list making. I hear lots of people talk about how they started packing a week before their trips and I just don't get that. They must have two different sets of stuff. . ."vacation" stuff and everyday stuff. We personally don't have enough articles of clothing or toiletries to pack everything and still live life for a week. The way I mitigate this is to make a very thorough list a few days before packing. This gives me the chance to check and recheck and recheck (I'm a little OCD) and think of the things I forgot before I actually forget them. Also, (again with the OCD) if I pack my stuff even a few days before time to go, I will unpack and check to make sure I got everything 10 times. Lists are definitely the way to go for me. Then I just throw everything from my list into my suitcases the day we are leaving (the day before if we're leaving early morning. . I'm not THAT crazy) and I'm good to go.
Anyone out there in the blogosphere have tips for vacation prep? Please leave a comment!

What About Privacy Laws?

2008-05-23T10:28:00.006-05:00

I just read a story on MSNBC that I found very disturbing. Apparently, Sentor John McCain had to release his personal medical records for examination by the Associated Press (or he chose to). Either way, I find that completely ridiculous. Why should the media be allowed to examine the poor guy's medical records? Not only that, then they wrote a very detailed story about what they found in them, even something about him having earwax removed not too long ago. I realize he's in the public eye but do we really need those kinds of details to decide whether we should vote for him? If that's an important piece of information, why didn't they also publish the color and consistency of his wax. . .I digress.

It looks like the whole thing started when folks began questioning whether a man in his early 70s was young and healthy enough to run the country. If elected, he would be the oldest president to enter office. It is very important that we be assured that he's not going to kick the bucket or end up incapacitated in a hospital during his 4 year term. . .I get that. I just think the media could handle it with a bit more "couth" as my mother says. When given access to his private medical information, they could have published a more vague story just to let the public know that he's in good health. Or better yet, how about having an actual physician examine the records and make a statement like that. I rarely see a reporter with "M.D." in their byline.

I think I'm on my soapbox now but I just think that even celebrities are entitled to a little privacy and respect. Just because we need to know that he can run the country effectively and isn't at death's door, doesn't mean we need the intricate details of his medical history. Give him a break! None of us can see the future and his newly cleaned ears really don't prove much!

Potty Training Tips

2008-05-20T15:49:00.001-05:00

“Potty training”- the words can still make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. The thought of being diaper free with all those body fluids free to leak out at any time is quite frightening. Fortunately, with the right perspective and a few guidelines in place, potty training can be minimally painful and the payoff at the end (no more diapers!) is worth it.

1. DON’T START BEFORE YOUR CHILD IS READY!! This is the number one mistake most parents make in potty training their child. Signs of readiness include:
-Showing an interest in using the potty
-Staying dry for a few hours at a time
-Waking up in the morning or from nap with dry diapers
-Telling you when he needs to go or has just gone in his diaper
-Showing an interest in using the potty. . .oops, did I say that twice? There’s a good reason for that, read on!

If you’re child is showing absolutely NO interest in using the potty and you start trying to potty train, YOU WILL FAIL. If you think it’s time and they are showing some of the other signs of readiness, you need to start your “potty” talk. Talk about the potty, watch movies and read books about the potty, let your child watch you use the potty. Set up a potty chair next to the big toilet and encourage your child to sit on it while you go, even with all her clothes (and diaper) on. Once the interest is there, potty training will be a lot easier and is more likely to be successful. Remember, the key here is to potty train your CHILD, not to train you when to take your child to the potty. If your child is perfectly content to go in their diaper, you are the only one learning when it is time to go to the bathroom.

2. Realize that there is no perfect formula for potty training. That’s right, YOU are the expert on what works for you. I have heard every trick from letting your child run naked to taking them to the potty every 5 minutes. Either or neither of these methods may work for you or something else may be the key to your success. Here are some techniques or hints you can try and see what works best.
-Set up a reward system for “successes”. You decide what you deem worthy of a reward. For some parents it may be making it to the potty with dry pull-ups or underwear. For others, just making it there for part of the job may be enough. Stickers work for some kids, candy for others. I personally liked using Skittles. It is a very small piece of candy and even if there are 12 successes a day, it’s still a relatively small amount of sugar.
-Be positive. Don’t make your child feel bad for accidents. Calmly clean up and remind them of the reward system for when they do make it. You want this to be something they WANT to do.
-Don’t be afraid to use the tools that are available. If cleaning up wet underpants and clothing is too stressful for you, use disposable training pants. That is what they are for.
-Don’t be afraid to throw in the towel. If it really isn’t working, it’s probably stressful for both you and your child. -Go back to diapers and your “potty talk”. Try to potty train again in a few weeks. Your child may not be ready.

Good Advice for Weight Control

2008-05-16T20:42:00.002-05:00

Now that my exercise class has gone from 3 times a week to 1 (actually to none for a couple of weeks), I have to start paying attention to my weight again. I gain very easily and lose very. . .well, let's just say it's no picnic. If I added up the total pounds I have lost and gained throughout my adult life, it would probably equal a whole other person. It is so easy to gain weight, but losing it is a terrible chore. Recently, research has shown that yo-yo dieting can be as bad as not dieting at all. I have come to the conclusion that before "dieting" the key is to learn to maintain your weight and changing the way you think about yourself and about food is the key. The following tips are fast becoming my "weight control" mantra:
1. An "all or nothing" mentality is your mortal enemy. If you have to have that brownie at the office, you don't necessarily have to eat like a fiend for the rest of the day. Have the brownie but JUST the brownie. Don't let it open the door to an all day food binge.
2. Make sure what you're eating is worth it to you. If you take a bite of that delicious-looking cheesecake and discover it's not as good as it looks, THROW IT AWAY! Don't waste your calories on something that isn't absolutely delectable. Your scale will thank you later.
3. DON'T wear your elastic waist pants to a dinner party or buffet. In fact, tighten your belt a notch. If you're slightly uncomfortable when your stomach is "comfortably" full, it's a nice little reminder that it's time to STOP EATING.
4. Weigh yourself daily. Every diet I've ever been on actually recommends AGAINST doing that but I've found it to be a really good weight maintenance tool. I know it sounds a little obsessive compulsive but if you're trying to maintain your weight, you need to be aware of even the slightest nudge upward. Two extra pounds can be the beginning of something ugly. If you discover that you've gained a pound or two overnight, it's probably just water weight but it's a good motivator to try and eat a few more fruits and veggies and a few less cookies for a day or two. Don't freak out but do take notice.
5. Think big picture. I was recently at a party and I REALLY wanted that third cookie. I thought to myself, "In ten years, I won't even remember skipping that cookie, much less regret it, but I WILL be very sorry if I've gained 10 pounds". Suddenly, the cookie seemed unimportant and much less tempting.
6. DON'T deprive yourself. What did I say? That's right, DON'T. If you want an order of fast food fries, by all means, eat them. Try having a medium order instead of a large and maybe you forgo the burger or milkshake but EAT what you're craving in a reasonable portion. If you don't, you'll get fed up and binge later.
7. Don't beat yourself up. If you eat "like a pig" one day or even for a week, don't spend all your energy hating yourself and even punishing yourself by deprivation. Decide to make one change per day until you're back into a healthier eating pattern. For example, drink one more bottle of water one day. The next day, drink that bottle of water and have an apple instead of a bag of chips. Rome wasn't built in a day and nobody's perfect, so cut yourself some slack.
Above all, learn that what you eat is not who you are. Your values, personality and all the other great stuff that makes you YOU are the same at size 10 as they are at size 16, just in a different package. Don't believe me? Ask your best friend or a favorite family member to tell you what they like most about you. I guarantee you it won't be the way you look in your "skinny" jeans. . .

Playground Safety

2008-05-14T10:14:00.003-05:00

A trip to the playground is often just what the doctor ordered. It gets you and your kids out of the house and into the fresh air and sunshine and is usually just plain fun! Here are a few safety tips to make sure your next day at the playground doesn't end in a trip to the emergency room.
1. Choose a playground that has modern equipment and that you know is regularly maintained. You can obtain this information by contacting your local department of parks and recreation. This contact information is usually available online or in your local phone book. Modern equipment is generally up to the most recent safety codes for playgrounds and if there is funding available for new equipment, there is usually funding that is also used for maintenance.
2. Make sure there is appropriate ground cover beneath anything your child may climb on or swing from. This includes swings, slides, monkey bars, etc. The ground should be covered with sand, rubber mulch or a special "padded" ground cover made especially for playgrounds. This will mitigate the injury risk if your child should fall from any height.
3. Respect any posted age limits on equipment. There are usually recommended ages for the individual playground piece posted. Don't allow your younger child to use equipment that is made for older kids and for the safety of little ones, don't allow your older child onto the baby pieces. These age limits are posted for the safety of all children using the playground.
4. Before you allow your child to run freely around the playground, do a quick walk around the apparatus with a mini safety inspection. Check for any obvious defects on the equipment and check the ground for signs of anything that would be dangerous to children such as broken glass or even chewing gum. Put these items into a trash receptacle before your child begins to play.
5. Keep a close eye on your child. There is no substitute for proper parental supervision at the playground. Make sure you have visual contact with your kids at all times and that they know it is not okay to leave the playground area. In a very busy setting, it may be necessary to ask your child to stay in your general area, or you may prefer to stand near the equipment where your child is playing.
When visiting the playground, a little common sense goes a long way. Once you have checked the safety of your chosen park, you still need to supervise your child but try to focus on the fun, not the fear of injury. Remember that providing your kids with the opportunity to exercise in a way that is fun is a gift that will last a lifetime.

Movie Review-Made of Honor

2008-05-10T17:02:00.003-05:00

I just had the pleasure of seeing a new movie starring Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghen-Made of Honor. It was an awesome movie. . .up until the last five minutes. Don't get me wrong, I liked the way the story ended, I just didn't like the way they went about it.

Made of Honor is the story of Tom and Hannah, best buds from college after Hannah is brutally honest with Tom as he tries to hit on her. Tom continues his life as the ultimate playboy and he and Hannah become the best of friends. It is obvious that there is chemistry between them but Tom is oblivious to it until Hannah announces that she is engaged to the perfect man. Colin really is quite perfect, so perfect it's a little nauseating but I think that is the point. Hannah is going to marry Colin and live in Scotland with him (he's a Duke!). To the credit of the storyline, Tom had realized his feelings for Hannah while she was away for work in Scotland and was planning to tell her when she got back, until she brought her surprise visitor along. She asks him to be her Maid of Honor in the wedding and he agrees, hoping to steal her heart in the process.

Without spoiling the ending, I have to say that the movie was really good. I laughed out loud a couple of times and could really feel the chemistry and build up between Hannah and Tom. The problem is, they spent the whole movie building their tension and chemistry and then the movie was over with very little time for resolution. It's like they had the perfect film for and hour and 35 minutes, then someone looked at the clock and said "oops, five minutes to wrap it all up" and it was over. For any fans of Patrick Dempsey out there, this is a must see. He's "McDreamy" in all his glory. Just be ready to be a little disappointed at the end.

Genetics

2008-05-04T20:27:00.006-05:00

As I watched my little princess gallop across the floor at dance class last week, the topic of genetics came to mind. My little girl can be very graceful with her arms and twirls with the best of them but when it comes to jumping. . .it just doesn't come "naturally". Unfortunately, I believe she has my genes to thank for that one.

I previously wrote about my exercise class that is ballet based fitness on SPEED but really fun and very rewarding. On Saturdays, after the bulk of the class is over, the instructor sometimes asks whoever would like to "move across the space" to stay on the floor and do leaps and runs from corner to corner. While it always looks like great fun to me, I decline every week. I just can't get the image of that hippo in a tutu from Fantasia out of my head when I consider the possibility of leaping and bounding in front of my classmates.

Last Saturday, our class met in a different room on a stage and there was no clock. The instructor thought it would be "fun" for us to enter and exit as if on stage and do various sequences of leaps, runs, etc. I had no idea what time it was and everyone except the people with physical ailments lined up so I reluctantly joined the group. As I attempted to hoist my frame into the air and across the stage, I remembered why I typically don't jump. I am not extremely overweight by any measure (I could stand to lose 10 pounds or so) but I just can't get my feet off the ground. The teacher was very kind and said I did great and that the moves were difficult, etc. but I know the truth. At least I get an A for effort right?

I was talking to my mom after class and she commented that she was never much of a "leaper" either. For some reason, instead of the effortless ballerina leap, we always manage to make it look like we're putting in a lot of effort for 2 inches of air beneath our feet. This brings me back to the topic of genetics. My daughter has the same "jump gene" as me and my mother before me.

Ah well. . .at least she still has fun and isn't old enough to be self conscious about it and I'll do my best to encourage her to keep jumping. I have to say though, unlike the parents of some American Idol tryouts who must have told their tone deaf nestlings that they could sing like a song bird. . if they ever come out with a TV show called "So You Think You Can Jump?", I will have to break the news to her gently. . .

Tips for Outdoor Porch Play

2008-05-01T09:37:00.005-05:00

We don't exactly have a small yard but do have some limitations for using what we have (let's just say we're not very good with the whole pooper scooper thing). Also our yard is very unlevel because we have a mole problem. Unfortunately, kids don't really care about the shape of the lawn, they just want to play outside. I have come up with a few creative (and some not so creative) ways for us to enjoy the great outdoors on the porch, without venturing into the green wilderness. . .

*Blow bubbles!! My daughter loves doing this. We bought a cheap 'party pack' of bubbles at the store and she is loving it. It is also possible to make your own bubble solution. Do a search online and I'm sure you'll find the recipe.

*Use a mini-slide. Someone gave us a toddler size version of a plastic slide and we leave it on the back porch for her to play on. Not as exciting as the playground version but still fun.

*Get a small plastic wading pool and some tub toys. We do this on the back deck during the summer and she has a blast! I can sit and watch her without getting wet. The other advantage to this is that it limits her sun exposure at the right time of the day because the house provides shade. A very inexpensive way ($5 for the pool) to pass the summer hours.

*This one is a little unique. I got the idea from a childhood educator who brought this activity for my daughter when she was 2. Buy some seed corn from a local hardware or feed store (we bought about 50 pounds and used most of it). Fill a large plastic, lidded container with the corn. Throw in some digging toys, small farm animals or pots and pans and let your child use it as a sandbox. It's not as messy as real sand and since you're outside, the corn doesn't have to be cleaned up! This is by far my daughter's favorite porch activity.

So, if you live in an apartment with only a deck or porch, try some of these ideas to entertain your little one. You'll both get some fresh air, a little sunshine and a break from cabin fever!

Arachnophobia!!

2008-04-27T23:21:00.003-05:00

One of the only unpleasant things I can think of about springtime is the re-emergence of creepy crawly things that have been "sleeping" all winter. I have a particular aversion to spiders because of a very traumatic personal experience. I was bitten by a brown recluse spider while sleeping "safely" in my own bed on May 21st, 2004-a day that will live in infamy. You can read my complete story on my brown recluse spider site if you're curious.

Spring is the most active time for all insects and spiders really. So far over the last few weeks I've seen ants, crickets, beetles and flies in my house and yard. These I don't mind so much, except that seeing an increase in their activity makes me think the spiders will be waking up soon, too. As much as I hate the idea of pesticide in my home, we have to have an exterminator come in four times a year to keep the brown recluse population under control. Back around the time that I was bitten, we saw four or five of them a day but didn't know they were "bad" spiders. Even had a pest control company (obviously not the one we use now!) take one to their "lab" and tell us it was a hobo spider. Nice. Nowadays, we see one or two every few months, a decrease that I am very happy about. The bummer is, I will never lose my fear of spiders, no matter how far removed from the incident I become and the spring thaw always makes me check my bedcovers a little more carefully and shake out my clothes a little more thoroughly before putting them on.

The bug man came last Friday and sprayed the house. Afterwards he approached me with what I considered to be excellent news. "You have an ant problem," he said seriously. "Okay," I replied, "what about spiders? Any new activity?"
"No, just the ants," he said. Finally! We are rid of the little devils! I know there are a few left here and there as it is impossible to completely eliminate them but the fact that my exterminator was focused on an ant problem is reason to cheer at my house. The spiders are nowhere to be seen? Bring on the ants!

How to Diminish Whining in Younger Kids

2008-04-24T23:21:00.003-05:00

One of my readers posted a comment that drew my attention to the need for information on how to handle whining in younger kids (toddlers in particular). While I am no expert, I have learned a few things about this topic through trial and error. The tactics in my last article work best with kids from about the age of 2 1/2 and up. . .kids who can talk.

Question:

"My son, 17 months old, is starting to whine when he does not get his way. The problem? He can only speak about 3 words, and sign about 5. How do you deal with a whiner when you are not sure exactly what they want? One time I remember getting very frustrated at him because he just kept crying in a whining tone. About 30 minutes later a little turd fell out of his diaper and I realized what he wanted.But usually that is not the case, he usually just wants a snack, or to go outside, or to get into the laundry and cleaning supplies... any advice?"

Answer:

At his age, he's probably whining because he can't communicate what he wants. A good way to start working on it is to help him put words to his needs/emotions. For example, when he's whining because he wants to go outside, say something like "I know you're really frustrated that we have to stay in right now but we can go out later" then try to distract him with an activity. Helping him identify his emotions as sad, frustrated, angry, etc. is a good way to teach him to express them with words.
Second, be careful about responding to his whining. If you figure out what he is whining about, don't give in to his demands right away. Tell him something like "You want a snack? Okay, let's try asking for it". Once he stops whining and attempts to ask for it in any other way, it's okay to let him have it if you want him to. The point is, if you scramble to figure out what he's whining to get and quickly give it to him, he will learn that whining is an effective way to get what he wants, which will just perpetuate the cycle and cause more whining. Hope that helps!!

Stop the WHINING!!!

2008-04-23T20:00:00.003-05:00

Kids and whining. . .the two seem to go hand in hand, right? Right! To a point that is. Believe it or not, there are a few strategies you can use to help decrease the whining in your house. These have worked wonders for my daughter (and my sanity). Feel free to use any that prove effective for you!

*When my daughter comes to me and is talking in a whiny voice, I tell her I cannot understand a word she is saying when she whines (sometimes this is true, sometimes not). I may have to repeat this several times and she will repeat what she is saying several times, but each time is less whiny than the last. Sometimes she gets frustrated during this process gives up altogether and goes back to playing. Other times she stops whining and clearly speaks to me and I make sure I listen to her "normal" voice and give feedback.

*Occasionally, my daughter will ask for something and I will say no. She will then start whining "why not?", etc. Never give in to this, it only reinforces the behavior. Calmly explain that your decision is final and whining will not change it.

*Show her what it sounds like. On occasion, when we're seemingly having a very "whiny" day, I will have to resort to this tactic. The umpteenth time she whines something to me, I will whine back in a very exaggerated fashion. She'll say "why are you talking like that?" and I'll say "because that's what you sound like.". This usually causes a laugh on her part, and then she will speak in a normal voice. I think sometimes kids don't even know they're whining because it's just human nature.

*Take 30 minutes and give her your undivided attention. With my daughter, excessive whining usually either means that she is tired or really wants my attention. Sometimes, if I stop what I am doing and play with her on her level for 30 minutes (not in response to a whine but in a quiet moment), it fills up her "attention meter" and cuts down on the whining. If she's tired, a nap is really the only solution, but spending quality time with her is always a good thing.

The bottom line? Kids are going to whine, it's part of being a kid. That doesn't mean you have to let it go and try to ignore it while resisting the urge to pull out all of your hair. With a week or so of consistently using these tactics, the whining is sure to decrease and you and your child will both be free to enjoy the time you have together without the stress caused by whining.

A Kinder Approach to Parenting

2008-04-22T13:39:00.004-05:00

I have recently been making an effort to use a kinder tone with my daughter. I realize that sometimes I almost tend to almost whine back at her when she whines at me. . .not a good example! When I am correcting her, I have been carefully lowering my voice instead of raising it to talk over her. An unusual side effect I have discovered is that she actually gets more upset when I correct her more harshly than she once did. I think the reason for this is that before, she was more desensitized to my "meanness" because it was more frequent. Now, when I give her "the look" or use an angry tone, she dissolves into tears. This was not my goal in changing my behavior but I am trying to view it as something positive. The benefits? If I try and reserve my harder tone for the really important things (danger of injury, etc.) she will be more likely to listen quickly when she hears me speak that way. In the long run, it will be a better thing for both of us.
For all of you parents out there who have never raised your voice to your children, I hope this article does not offend. You obviously have the gift of patience when it comes to kids. For those of you who are just like me and there is an end to your fuse, try lowering your voice an octave when you feel like raising it. Your kids will listen to you more and you will feel better about keeping your cool.

Earthquake! Shake, Rattle & Roll!

2008-04-18T18:11:00.002-05:00

For those of you who live in other parts of the country, maybe an earthquake is no big thing but here in the Midwest. . .it gets our attention!
Early this morning, (my clock said 4:36 but the official time was 4:37) I was abruptly awakened from my slumber because my bed was lurching and rumbling. As I groggily began to wonder what the heck was going on, I noticed that our 27" TV that is perched atop a rickety chest of drawers across the room was rocking and our bay window was rattling and shaking. It suddenly hit me. . .earthquake!!! I yelled something like "Oh, my gosh!" and smacked my husband's arm in a panic. He sat bolt upright and said "what!?". I said, "I think it's an earthquake!" and by then I was sure. It lasted a full 30 seconds, gradually decreasing in intensity until it stopped. He got up and looked out the window and I went to check on our daughter, still sprawled out and sleeping hard in the next room. I began to wonder if the quake had originated on the infamous New Madrid fault that is centered in Southeast Missouri. I was thinking if we felt it that strongly here in St. Louis, it could have been "the big one" down there (much of my family lives there). I turned on the news channels and no one was saying anything until the 5:00 a.m. local news came on and they began to give details.
The quake was centered near West Salem, Illinois in the Wabash Valley Seismic Zone and measured 5.2 in magnitude. There are reports of some minor structural damage here and there but nothing too terrible and no one was hurt.
Then at about 10:15 a.m., I was sitting at my dining room table working on my laptop when the table started to shake. That lasted about 10 seconds. The news says that was the largest of several aftershocks, measuring 4.6 in magnitude. All day long, I've been on high alert. I think it rattled my nerves! I don't think I could live in California, where earthquakes are a common occurrence and everyone says a major one could happen at any time. I hope I don't feel another earthquake for a long, long time!

Lessons From The Mind of a 3 Year Old

2008-04-15T18:04:00.005-05:00

Ten of the lessons I have learned from my 3 year old daughter:

1. Red sparkly shoes are a stylish compliment to any outfit, including your nightgown and a tutu.

2. Spring flowers from your own tree should be given as a gift to everyone you know. This includes the babysitter, Daddy and the random person you meet during your day. If it's wilted, don't worry, it will "bloom" when you flop the petals open.

3. It is never too early to sing at the top of your lungs.

4. A friend who shares her snack with you is worth her weight in gold.

5. Mom and Dad may be in charge of you but authority over the cat and dog is up for grabs.

6. If you have a question, ask it, even if you already know the answer and have asked it 10 times before. Who knows? The answer could change when you ask this time.

7. Why listen to the whole CD when you can repeat the same 3 songs over and over?

8. Wearing a necklace and pretty dress magically transforms you into a princess.

9. Dance when the urge hits you.

10. What we're having for dessert is far more important that what's for dinner and chocolate should be a food group. . .oh wait, maybe that one is me talking.

Procrastination-Avoidance at its Best!

2008-04-14T20:44:00.004-05:00

As I write this post, I am doing just that. . .procrastinating. I am hereby self-titling myself as the world's most skillful procrastinator. I can think of at least 3 things I should be doing right now but instead, I am writing. Why? Because I enjoy writing. . .I do not enjoy: 1. Reading a boring novel for my college History class, 2. Putting away laundry, 3. Catching up the budget. . .the list goes on.

I can look busy for hours on end without ever really accomplishing anything. I think it is an amazing skill and I wish I could figure out how to put it on a resume. I have discovered that my tendency to goof off is at its worst when I am overwhelmed. Seems pretty stupid. . .when I have too much to do, I do nothing, therefore creating even more to do. It's a never ending cycle.

My husband and I have talked about this tendency to put things off and we have decided that the problem is that we are both "fundamentally lazy". We love to relax, do nothing, ignore the housework, etc. He pointed out to me once that while his fundamental laziness is pure, I on the other hand am fundamentally lazy with a streak of crazy OCD thrown in. A good example? I can ignore the state of my messy house for weeks but there will inevitably come a day when I just can't take it anymore. I will then embark on a cleaning marathon that rivals the most meticulous of housekeepers. I will clean my house for 9 to 12 hours on this day and I am like a mad woman. I vacuum anything that is sitting still, organize every cabinet and shelf, give the dog a bath. . .well, I'm sure you get the picture. This is followed by 3 to 4 days of obsessive behavior. I follow my husband and daughter around, picking up their sock fuzz from the carpet, keep a towel by the back door to dry my dog's paws when she comes in from outside, sort the laundry daily and generally drive my family crazy. Then one day, I am tired and let stuff go for a few hours. Once the first mess is made, it gets easier to let other things go and about 2 weeks (give or take) after my Energizer Bunny cleaning day, the house is a wreck again and I'm back to procrastinating. I feel my breaking point coming as I'm writing this post! Anybody else have a quirk like this or am I alone in my lunacy??

Why We Love Our TV Shows

2008-04-12T19:07:00.004-05:00

I know there are some noble folks out there who resist the urge to watch TV and I applaud them. Unfortunately, I do not fall into that category. I love my TV shows. I have a DVR (digital video recorder-think TIVO) so once my favorites are programmed in, I usually don't miss a show all year. It's a very nice feature to have if you want to stay up on what's happening. I was thinking today about how bummed I get if I happen to miss one (technology isn't flawless!) and how annoying the writers' strike was because it interrupted the flow of most every TV show out there. I realize that the main reason I watch these weekly shows is that it gives me a chance to escape for an hour mentally into the world of someone else. Not that my own world is so bad, but here I have to clean the house (or tolerate my dirty house!), discipline my daughter and just solve problems in general that affect everyone around me. When I'm into my shows, I can live life vicariously through someone else without any repercussions in my own life. What other past time can offer that?
I recently started blogging about two of my favorite shows for Blodget Tech and Spin Tech and I am really enjoying it. It gives me a chance to rehash the events of the show and give my two cents (or two dollars) worth of opinions about where it's going and what they did right or wrong with the plot. I can also receive comments from other avid watchers of Grey's Anatomy and ER who want to talk about it. So, it takes my "escape" to a whole new level of interaction with the public. If you have a favorite show that gives you that hour of thinking about something totally unrelated to real life, leave me a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

Spring Storms. . .

2008-04-10T21:27:00.004-05:00

Does anybody else out there love spring storms or am I the only lunatic? There is something about the weather in springtime that I am absolutely in love with. I'm not talking about days and days of dull, boring rain. . .that actually is a bit depressing. I'm talking about thunder, lightening, wind, hail, rain!!!! When a severe storm blows in there is an electricity in the air that I find exciting. You could call it morbid fascination (I'm a bit of a Weather Channel junkie) but I am even fascinated by tornadoes. I have very specific requirements, though. . .if there is a tornado, I don't want to to actually do any damage or hurt anyone I care about, I just like the excitement of the threat. I like a good disaster movie as much as the next person because no one actually gets hurt.
A few years ago, the town a lot of my family lives in in Southeast Missouri was devastated by a tornado. That was not fun in any way so I am not wishing bad things on people. Even now, my mom cringes when she hears of severe storms coming their way or nearby storm damage. This type of thing is a great tragedy and I am not making light of it. Storms of that magnitude are very scary, but there is something about a good moderate thunderstorm that makes me feel alive. A mild spring thundershower is the best sleeping weather in the world. Hearing the rain on the roof with the distant rumble of thunder is great background noise for a good nap.
So if there are any other storm addicts out there, leave me a comment and let me know I'm not alone!

Take the Plunge! Get a New Hair Style.

2008-04-08T23:16:00.004-05:00

Over the last few days and weeks, I have been considering a new hairstyle. It has mostly been a passing thought, though I have perused a few hairstyle websites. I haven't had a real "style" in quite some time, just a long layered cut that is very easy to manage but doesn't do much for my overall appearance. Over the weekend, a friend of mine who also happens to be a stylist, told me she wanted to cut my hair. She mentioned it again when I saw her the next day and she had some definite ideas about what she wanted to do. I tossed the idea around but couldn't decide what I wanted to do.
Here is where I began to amuse myself. I went to work on Monday and asked 3 of my co-workers/friends if they thought I should do it. Each of them said yes and agreed with the suggested style and finally the third person I asked added, "It's just hair, you know. It will grow back". Finally, some perspective! It wasn't like I was going for a mohawk, just a Victoria Beckham type layered bob that is longer in the front and shorter in the back. This morning, I worked up my nerve and called my hairdresser friend to make an appointment, thinking she'd have an opening next week. I warned her that I might change my mind and she said she'd call me back when she had her appointment book in front of her. Well, she called me back at 10:00 a.m. and asked if 3:30 would be okay. . .TODAY!! Boy, did she call my bluff. I showed up on time and I'm SO glad I did! I feel like a pampered princess. She highlighted my hair and lowlighted my hair and cut my hair and waxed my eyebrows. . .I feel like a new woman! I was a bit nervous but now that it's all said and done, I really like the new style. I wonder how many other women agonize over changing to a new look? I was acting like I was contemplating cosmetic surgery or something. So. . thanks to the friend who told me "it's just hair!" and gave me the guts to get it done. To all you rundown, flat-haired mommies out there trying to decide if you should get a new do. . .go for it!! You'll be glad you did.

The Sun is Good For Me?

2008-04-06T16:41:00.004-05:00

As the weather warms and the sun stays out more, I find my self feeling like a hibernating bear, waking from a long winter's nap. I feel so much better about life that my state of mind during the cold winter months seems like mild depression in comparison. So today I began to wonder, is there something to this feeling or is it just my imagination? Does sunshine have tangible benefits or is it all in my head. This is what my research turned up.

*Sunlight is our main source of vitamin D. I had heard that it was a source but did not realize it is the main source. Vitamin D boosts our immune system and helps strengthen our bones and muscles.

*Most of what we hear about the link between sunlight and cancer involves the negative skin cancer link. Did you know that there is also a positive protection against certain types of other cancers? Among them are cancers of the breast, ovary, colon and prostate.

*Finally. . .here's the one that I relate to the most. . .sunshine can cheer you up! I didn't imagine it, it really happens! Many people experience a suppression of a brain chemical called serotonin in the dark and dreary winter months that is relieved by those first rays of sunshine in the spring. I would put myself among those dreary folks.

The bottom line? Get out there and enjoy the spring sunshine! With a little smear of the right sunscreen, the benefits far outweigh the risks.

Yucky, Ewe-the Stomach Flu!

2008-04-03T13:15:00.002-05:00

Well, as most of us know, it's not actually the flu, or the influenza virus but it is a virus that causes gastrointestinal upset and can make a huge mess! My little one has a raging tummy bug today and we are not having fun. She doesn't understand why she can't eat normally and I feel like a very mean mommy because I have to set these limits. I have gotten advice from several different folks about how to handle the stomach flu, even a family member who is a nurse but since some of it was conflicting, I decided to call my daughter's pediatrician advice line to get the real low down (or at least the current recommendations for kids with a stomach virus). Let me start by saying this virus apparently includes 2 days of intermittent vomiting followed by a day of diarrhea (we haven't yet had the joy). The guidelines (for a child over the age of 2) I was given are as follows:

The Dos:

-It's okay to withhold everything for a little while after your child vomits. For an adult, doctors recommend you wait 6 hours after throwing up before eating or drinking. For children, this is too long because children dehydrate quickly. 15 or 20 minutes is long enough to let the tummy settle. Then start very small. Give sips of water, Pedialyte or white soda every five minutes or so for about an hour.

-If the liquid stays down and your child is hungry, offer a saltine cracker or pretzel. One or two is all to start with and if that stays down for an hour, you can give a few more.

-If all this is going well, after 5-6 hours you can move on to other easily digestible foods. Examples are white rice, chicken broth or cooked noodles.

-Continue with these foods as tolerated until bedtime. If your child wakes up the next morning and does not vomit, it is okay to gently re-introduce normal foods. Go for bland for the first part of the day until you make sure the worst is over. Once your child has not vomited for 24 hours, a normal diet is okay.

The Don'ts:

-The BRAT diet (Bananas, rice, applesauce and toast or tea) is for diarrhea only, not vomiting and does not apply in this situation. It is meant to bulk up the stool but a person who's throwing up needs things that are extremely easy to digest.

-Avoid dairy products and other high protein and high fiber foods. A good rule of thumb, if it's something that "sticks with you", don't feed it to a kid who's throwing up.

-Contrary to what I'd been told, scrambled eggs are NOT easily digestible and are on the "no" list for the first day.
-Avoid fruit juice. While this may be a tempting source of hydration, the sugar is not good for the tummy and may aggravate or cause diarrhea.

This is not an exhaustive list and is not meant to replace the advice of your own pediatrician. If your child shows signs of dehydration, it is an emergency situation. Please call your doctor or go to the nearest emergency room. These signs include decreased urination or very dark urine, very dry skin, decreased tear or saliva production and listlessness. You can also do a capillary refill test by pressing your child's nailbed and seeing how long it takes it to turn pink again and a skin turgor test by pinching some skin and seeing how quickly it returns to the normal position.

For any of you moms and dads out there also dealing with a stomach bug, you have my sympathies. I hope we all feel better soon!

April Fools!!

2008-04-01T18:00:00.004-05:00

Today is April Fools day so I wanted to post something along those lines. I've been trying to think of different April Fools pranks I've been involved with over time but I'm drawing a blank. I remember the typical little kid calls to Grandma around the corner "Grandma, your house is on fire! April Fools!" but other than that. . . .nada. I suppose this is partially because I hate being the target of a joke. Don't get me wrong, I like playing a practical joke on people as much as the next person, as long as it's not too mean. . .but having one played on me, now that's a different story. I was watching America's Funniest Home Videos the other night and they were showing clips of people whose friends and family members had tricked them into thinking they'd won the lottery. These people were jumping up and down, screaming hysterically, not seeming to notice the laughter around them until someone said "it's just a joke, mom". Then most of them actually got violent, smacking whoever the jokester was on the back or the shoulder. One lady got really, genuinely mad and I can relate! Not only do you feel stupid for getting that excited and being duped, there is the let down that comes with the realization that it's a joke. No, I think I'll stick with the little kid version of April Fools day because what goes around usually comes around and I don't want to be on the "comes around" side of the coin.

Spring is Springing!

2008-03-30T17:02:00.004-05:00

I am so glad that winter is almost over! There is something about warmer weather that can bring even the most depressed person out of their funk to a point. I realize that spring weather is not a cure-all but it certainly goes a long way towards cheering me up! There is less stuff to take with you, no winter coats and gloves, etc. No more socks. . .for me at least. I'm one of those people that gets strange looks wearing my flip flops on the first 60 degree day at the end of March. I just love springtime!! It seems this has been a longer winter than those in my recent memory and spring feels like a celebration that with any luck, we will now have several months of sunshine and green.

One of my favorite springtime symbols is the magnolia tree in my back yard. It's starting to get little buds on it and I can't wait for it to bloom. Each year, it only flowers for about 6-7 days before it gets its leaves for summer but what a glorious week! That tree is growing in a very awkward position in my yard. It would be nice if it was further toward the middle and didn't hang over the fence. However, no matter how many other trees we have removed from the yard, that one has my personal protection. It appears to be a very old magnolia. It has a trunk the size of a larger tree and is taller than the roof of my house. Gorgeous. . so as I'm dusting off the ole flip flops, I'll be watching for my magnolia to bloom. Then I can officially declare that spring has sprung!

My Week as a Single Parent-Part Two-It's OVER!!!

2008-03-29T11:01:00.003-05:00

The second half of the week went a lot faster than the first half, thank goodness! On Thursday we stayed home all day and played some, took a nap together and just hung out. We went out to dinner with my daughter's godparents (and our good friends) and that helped to break up the monotony. I realized by Thursday night that my daughter and I were just really getting tired of each other so being with other people was a good solution. She had someone else to talk to and I got some grown-up conversation. I'd call it a win-win kind of thing! Friday we met my co-workers for lunch and then ran some errands. By the time we got home, it was time to "watch for Daddy" out the window. I'm as big a kid as my 3 year old because I had his flight information up on my computer screen watching to see it change from "estimated arrival" to "arrived". We were both ecstatic when he got home and I don't think my little one has ventured more than 10 feet away from her daddy since he walked through the door. She sat by him at dinner (normally she wants me) and has been hanging on his arm or around his neck for about 18 hours now. It's actually very sweet. So, I survived my five days alone with my daughter and to all you single parents out there, you deserve some kind of commendation for doing what you do. After this short time alone I realize that I can't even begin to understand that struggle and I hope (as anyone does) that I never have to. However, I am going to resolve to be a better friend to all those single moms and dads in my life because the reality is, they need all the support they can get!

My Week as a Single Parent, Part One

2008-03-26T21:59:00.004-05:00

My husband is out of town this week for the first time since our daughter was born (she's 3). I have to say that I have a new respect for single parents. My mom was a single parent for much of my life so I knew it was hard but until you walk a mile. . .well, here's a bit of how my week is going.
Dear hubby left on Monday in the wee hours of the morning. I got up and got ready, dropped my girl at the sitters and went on to work as usual. Left work at 5, picked her up from the sitters, went through McDonald's drive through (oh yes, I AM lazy!) and came home. We ate our dinner and then I decided to be industrious and convert her crib into a toddler bed. . .before bedtime. I took the crib apart as instructed in the manual, but when I went to reassemble it as a day bed, discovered there were pieces missing. It was getting late and she and I were both tired. I had considered letting her sleep with me earlier that day anyway so decided to go through with it as a "special treat".
Boy was that a mistake! I left the bedroom door open because I was afraid if someone tried to break in downstairs, I wouldn't hear with the door shut (we have a burglar alarm but I am just silly). As a result, my very nocturnal feline had ready access to my face all night. Next, my little dog, Maggie, is used to sleeping right next to me and was dislodged from her usual position because my daughter was in the bed. About every half hour, ALL NIGHT LONG she got up, moved to one side of the bed, flopped down and sighed heavily. This was repeated many, many times (did I say many?). Finally, my daughter sleeps like a monkey with eight arms who is fighting off fleas. I'm not even sure that is descriptive enough. I was sucker punched, kidney kicked and slapped across the face more times than I care to remember. (Why does being hit in the face make us so mad, even when it's accidental??) Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. The next day was pretty uneventful and I did figure out how to reassemble her bed so she slept in it on Tuesday night. She did roll off at about 4 a.m. but climbed right back in and went back to sleep. What a little trooper!
Today (Wednesday) I went to work as usual, then my daughter and I went out to dinner with a friend. That was very pleasant and uneventful. I took my little girl to the bathroom right before we got in the car for the 20 minute drive home (she had a lot of lemonade at dinner). About 5 minutes from the house, while we were driving in the pouring rain on the interstate, she began to cry and said she had to "pee pee". I told her she would have to hold it because we were on the highway. She said okay but periodically cried out in panic until the last time when she started apologizing profusely. We pulled in to a gas station by our house but it was too late. She had soaked her clothes, her booster seat and there was standing liquid on the car seat (thank GOD for leather upholstery). When we got home, I had to clean the seat, then carry my work laptop, my purse and her wet booster into the house. We have a detached garage with a VERY long driveway so we were getting very wet. I kept dropping things in the rain. We had to wade through ankle deep water on the back sidewalk to reach the door so our shoes were soaked but WE MADE IT!!! Now the booster seat is in the bathtub along with her Crocs to be dealt with after I get a good night's sleep. My husband will be home on Friday and we can hardly wait!!!!

$1,350 for a CORNFLAKE????

2008-03-23T16:06:00.003-05:00

This is a story any self-respecting blogger couldn't help but blog about. I read on Msn yesterday (here is the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23756725/) that two young sisters from Virginia recently sold a cornflake shaped like the state of Illinois on ebay for . . . drum roll, please. .$1,350.
Oh, I'm not kidding, read the story and see for yourself. The man who bought it is starting an "Americana" collection that is to become a traveling museum and is planning to personally send someone to pick up the cornflake. He is afraid it might be damaged in shipping. Apparently, the same guy also purchased the world's largest cornflake and it broke in transit. The four pieces it left were nothing newsworthy.
The lesson I've learned from all this? Apparently, I am not examining my breakfast cereal closely enough or I could have paid off my house already! I have a box of cornflakes upstairs right now. Maybe I should get an atlas and dump them out on the table. Who knows what treasures may lie within! Forget Powerball, let's get flaky!!

I am SO lucky!!

2008-03-22T10:23:00.002-05:00

I had one of those rare moments this week where I actually could not believe what a little person my 3 year old daughter is becoming. I have no profound wisdom to offer you on this subject, I am just lucky, lucky, lucky!
Two days ago, she asked me what would make her a big girl. I told her that when she goes on the potty (she is 100% potty trained) she is a big girl but when she sucks her thumb, she is still a little girl. I didn't give the conversation another thought (she asks a lot of questions).
Several hours later, we were getting into the car to head out to lunch when she shocked me. She said "Mommy, I'm gonna be a big girl now. I'm not gonna suck my thumb anymore". For the entire day's outing, she held her "blankie" in her lap and did not suck her thumb, not even when she was tired from missing her nap. With my encouragement, she told every adult in her life that she saw that day about her big "decision". While they all seemed very surprised, they gave her lots of praise and encouragement. It felt like I was dreaming!
So how did it really play out? Today is day three and when I went to get her out of bed this morning, she did have her thumb in her mouth. It seems she is sucking her thumb in her bed at night but other than that, she really has stopped. She is leaving her blankie in her bed (the blankie is an essential part of thumb sucking, for those of you who didn't now) and lets me know periodically that she is still a big girl. I am so proud of her little accomplishment that I am telling anyone who will listen. I was in the stage of trying to figure out what I could do to discourage the habit and she solved it all on her own. Like I said, I am extremely lucky!

Fun to Shop!

2008-03-20T18:46:00.004-05:00

I love to shop and I've come to notice that I've turned my daughter into the same monster as me! I went to Kohl's (discount department store) a few days ago and bought her an Easter dress, all white, very cute but still not exactly what I was looking for. I never know exactly what I'm looking for until I find it. Today, we went to the mall and as we were walking through a store, I saw the perfect dress. All pink, layered tulle to her ankles, gorgeous. As I was perusing the dress selection, I turned to find her staring at the dress in my hands, completely enraptured. "Mommy, it's like a ballerina!" She wanted to hold it and buy it and can't wait to wear it. Then we headed off to find shoes (the only reason we came to the mall to start with). We get into the shoe store and she suddenly goes wild. Not running around like a "normal" little kid but asking me, "Can I try these on? What about these?". We found the perfect princess shoes to go with the perfect princess dress (all on sale, thank goodness) and a few other new summer shirts that were on sale as well. She wanted to carry all our selections to the checkout herself, then asked if she could hand them my credit card. I think she had as much fun shopping as me and she's only 3!! What will we do with the dress from Kohls? Wear it, too later in the summer! We are sick, sick, sick!
What I'm still trying to figure out? Is the urge to shop genetic or did she get this way by watching me? Either way, I guess it's my fault and I'm not sure I'm sorry. I see a wonderful future ahead of shopping with my little mall buddy.

Feelings. . .

2008-03-19T18:37:00.003-05:00

I'm trying to learn a valuable lesson about my little girl's feelings. Trust me, it's not easy. The lesson I need to learn? Emotions are very real and we can't just turn them off. Not sure what I mean? Here's an example: We're walking to the car and as we leave the porch, I warn her to keep her stuffed animal off the ground because it's raining. She says her usual "okay, mommy" and we start down the driveway. Halfway to the car, she starts to run, loses her grip on the toy and drops it into the muddy water. She starts to cry. My first reaction? I am aggravated. We are running late and I told her to be careful. Now she's crying and very upset because her toy is dirty. What I want to do is lecture her about being careful, take away the toy and tell her to stop crying. What I'm learning? That's not the right way to handle it.
I've been giving this a lot of thought. When I'm upset, does it help me for someone to tell me basically to "get over it"? NO. In fact, it makes me feel disrespected and unimportant. So, it stands to reason that if I treat her that way, she will feel the same. I'm trying a different tactic now. In the above scenario, I would say something like, "Oh no! You dropped your animal and now he's dirty. I can see you're really sad so let me see if I can clean him off with a wet wipe. Next time, we'll try to be more careful." It works wonders! She feels like I understand where she's coming from and usually stops crying. I don't feel guilty for lecturing a 3 year old on a high school level (which let's face it, my first reaction is a little over her head) and the incident is soon forgotten. Kids' feelings are every bit as important as our own and it's our job to teach them how to feel them. Stuffing your emotions is not good for anyone and this is the age where they learn to do that! If I teach my daughter that her emotions are "inappropriate" she will learn to doubt herself. If I teach her that we can move on and function even when we feel sad, she will learn that her opinion matters and that we can press on in the midst of adversity. I hope this is a lesson I can learn quickly.

Horton Hears a Who Review

2008-03-17T21:02:00.004-05:00

Wow, I've actually been to the theater twice within the course of a month. It might be a new record for me. Today I went with my daughter and her grandparents to see Horton Hears a Who, the new movie just released that is based on a Dr. Suess book.

The movie begins when Horton, an elephant who is also a teacher, thinks he hears a voice coming from a small speck of dust that floats past him. He goes to heroic extremes to capture the speck on a clover flower and find out all he can about it. As it turns out, there is an entire civilization of "Who's" living on the speck and they need Horton to find them a safe place to rest because being in constant motion is causing weather changes and overall chaos on their world. Horton takes on the challenge.

The Good: This movie had a lot of good points in my opinion. No one else can hear the Who's at first so there is a lesson to be learned about believing in that which you cannot see (faith). Horton also comments twice that "a person is a person, no matter how small". I'm told that this comment has sparked some outrage in the Pro-choice camp. I'm not sure it was intended as a Pro-life message but I thought it came across as fairly profound. The movie is quite entertaining overall. It held the attention of adults and kids alike.

The Bad: As with most movies, there is a crisis point when the "bad guys" try to capture Horton and dispose of the speck. This mild peril caused my 3 year old daughter much distress. She covered her eyes and was very upset as the jungle creatures were mean to Horton and put him into a cage. She was also afraid of the bumbling villian, Vlad the buzzard who did have a scary aspect to him.

The Ugly: The mild peril I felt was acceptable and went with the theme of the movie. Only really sensitive kids would probably be bothered by it. However, there was some name calling in the movie and one of the characters told someone else to shut up. This I felt was inappropriate for the younger audience. You know, the ones who repeat everything.

Overall, I would give Horton Hears a Who 4.5 stars if I were rating it. It is a family friendly, entertaining film that we will probably add to our DVD collection when it is released.

Grandparents Are So Special

2008-03-16T22:28:00.006-05:00

Kids are really interesting creatures, aren't they? My daughter fascinates me sometimes, like a science experiment on a grand scale. Her grandparents are visiting for the weekend and they are some of her favorite people in the whole world. They live several hours away so we only get to see them a few times a year and even at 3 years old, she recognizes how important they are in her life. Watching her with them makes me realize how much we, as people, respond to love.
My daughter instinctively knows that Gramma and Grampa adore her. She, of course, plays the part of the adorable enraptured child when they arrive. Screaming "Gramma!" and flinging herself into their arms. When they sit to visit with us, she can hardly contain her excitement and cries of "Grampa, look what I can do!!" echo throughout the house. For the hours they spend with her, it's like watching a caterpillar become a butterfly. She is suddenly a free spirit. Normally afraid to jump off of anything, she jumps "from the second step because I'm 3!!". Every few minutes she stops playing to give Gramma that extra hug. It's so much fun to watch because I know I'm watching her build memories that will last a lifetime. My mind wanders back to my own childhood and my special "Nana" who cut the crust off my bread and made me "oven toast" on cold winter mornings. She played with my hair at night when I was falling asleep and sat with me when I had an earache. Those memories paint the walls of my mind like a peaceful gallery I can visit when "grown-up" life is not so much fun.
As I think about my daughter and her grandparents and my own experiences, I realize that God created the bond between grandparents and grandchildren as a special gift for both sides. For grandparents, they get a chance to love a child with no pressures to discipline or "raise them right". They get to experience the joy of loving without so much of the sorrow that came with raising their own children and watching them leave the nest. For kids, they get to know the adoration of a generation that has learned how to love with their whole heart and knows just how fast the time goes. This dynamic is quite possibly one of God's most perfect ideas.

Grocery Shopping-Anyone's Favorite Chore?

2008-03-14T17:22:00.005-05:00

I have a sore spot for chores with a "never-ending" feel about them. Keeping the kitchen clean, laundry and housecleaning in general fall into this category. (I guess maybe I'm just lazy!) Most recently, I realized that grocery shopping does too and that's why it's not my favorite thing to do.
I used to go grocery shopping several times a week. I would just stop by the store, pick up the few items we needed for a day or two, and expect to go back before the week was up. I decided I was spending too much money this way and wasting a lot of time. My new plan was to get to the store on the same day each week. Granted, this requires more planning than the other way but I was determined to do it. Once a week, I sit down and make a list of everything we need to get us through until the next time I get to the store. I first realized how much I dislike the chore when I could never settle on the "best" day of the week to do it. First, I tried Sunday afternoons. That worked well because my daughter could stay at home with my husband so it was easier to get it done. Then I realized I would rather take a nap on Sunday afternoons so I would feel rested for work on Monday. Next, I tried Mondays after work. That didn't last long. In general, I was too tired after working all day, had on uncomfortable dress shoes and was really too hungry to go near a grocery store at that point. Tuesday after exercise class? Nope, read my previous post. My legs don't work well enough to do all that walking. Finally, I have settled for Thursdays, usually when hubby gets home from work. Yesterday, I was feeling under the weather so I put it off until today, Friday. The real problem? No matter how much food you buy, you always have to go back next week. There are always heavy items that are a pain to load into your cart and carry into the house. There is always a line at the checkout and spending that much money on something that is gone that fast is just depressing. Grocery shopping is definitely not my favorite thing to do. I guess I'll just be grateful that I can afford to do it and keep looking for the perfect schedule!

A Battle About Pizza??

2008-03-13T19:04:00.004-05:00

It's hard to believe, but yes, I just had a battle about pizza. It started out simply enough. I asked (here was my big mistake) my 3 year old daughter if she wanted pizza for dinner. I assumed she would say yes as pizza is one of her favorite foods. I forgot to factor in her need to make choices (control anyone?) and boy did that explode in my face. She said "no, I want peanut butter and jelly". I tried to talk her into it a little, not wanting to lay down the law but she was determined that she was calling the shots.
Now, maybe some of you out there are thinking "you're crazy, just give the kid what she wants" and I agree, that would have been easier. The bottom line is, pizza is what I am making for dinner. I should have told her that rather than asking (though it may have turned out the same) but I am a firm believer that becoming a "short order chef" for your kids breeds picky eaters. So in order to stand firmly by my principles, it was imperative that I win this battle.
There were tears and arguing (she cried, too) :-) and finally, a compromise. I chose the main dish. . .pizza, because that's what I am serving for the family; she chose which fruit she wanted. The bottom line, she learned that she will eat what I serve AND that she can make her own choices. I learned not to ask an open-ended question unless I am prepared for the answer. The battle ended with a treaty, not a winner and a loser. That's always the best way, isn't it?

Bad Mom or Overzealous Cop??

2008-03-12T21:07:00.003-05:00

I read a news story today about Treffly Coyne, a mom who is going on trial tomorrow for misdemeanor charges of child endangerment and obstructing a peace officer. After reading the headline, I picture a careless parent who locked their child in the car and went grocery shopping for half an hour, then punched a cop for calling her on it. . . but that's not even close. According to the story on MSN.com, Coyne "parked" her car in the fire lane at a local Wal-Mart, put the hazard flashers on, locked and alarmed the car and then proceeded to walk 10 yards away, still in plain site of the vehicle, with her older daughter and another child to put money into a Salvation Army bucket. When she tried get back to her car, she was stopped by a police officer. She ended up handcuffed and in the back of a police car in front of her kids! Now she is on trial for this "crime".
Now, let me just say that I am the first person to cry foul when someone leaves their child in the car to go into a store or anywhere else. The stories of children who have overheated inside a hot parked car both enrage me and break my heart. However, this poor woman had the car in plain view at all times. The story said the weather was bad so she felt her sleeping 2 year old was safer in the car than out in the elements. In my opinion, that's HER CALL. The child was not in "danger", she was locked in an alarmed vehicle almost within arm's reach. I think the authorities are going too far in this matter. Where does public safety end and invasion of privacy begin? I think they have crossed a line. Soon we'll be arrested if our child isn't wearing a warm hat on a cold winter's day or gets stung by a bee while going barefoot in our own back yard! I think seeing your mommy handcuffed and muscled into a police car is far more traumatic than five minutes in a secure, warm car with mommy a few feet away. I'm a little scared at what comes next!

Time Change Lag

2008-03-11T20:50:00.002-05:00

Okay, is it just me or does anyone else have "time change lag". I heard on the radio yesterday that the time change actually causes our bodies to go into a state that closely resembles jet lag. I can completely relate. When my alarm went off on Monday morning, I staggered into the wall trying to make it to the snooze button. I decided to sleep for another half hour (probably not the most responsible choice) and be late for work. I worked later in the afternoon to make up for it of course so I didn't get away with anything but I'm not sure that extra 30 minutes really helped much. Getting up this morning (Tuesday) was a little easier so I'm hoping by tomorrow I will have adjusted. If not, I guess a good hot cup of liquid energy will start my Wednesday as well!

Customer "Service"

2008-03-10T11:03:00.004-05:00

I'm sorry to say it but customer service these days stinks everywhere! I am so sick of people doing the bare minimum, aren't you? I have two examples of "you can't get good help anywhere" today that I am going to subject you to.

Rant #1-My car has been in the shop since last Wednesday (today is Monday!!) The gear shifter on my newish car (less than 30,000 miles on it) keeps getting stuck in park. I took it in a few weeks ago and sat for 2 hours in the waiting room for them to come out and tell me there was nothing wrong with my car, I just wasn't putting my foot on the brake properly before trying to shift into a gear. Right. I drive a car for over a year and just started doing it wrong. I am the first to admit that I'm no rocket scientist but I think I know that you have to push the brake in before you take a car out of park. . .anyway, lucky for me the technician had the pleasure of the shifter sticking when he was trying to pull my car around for me to leave. As a result, they "found" the problem and ordered a part. The following week, I left my car there for a day and was told they fixed it. It worked for a day, then started sticking again.

Last week, I dropped the car off on Wednesday and was told they would re-diagnose the problem and call me later that morning. When I still hadn't heard anything by 1 p.m., I called to find out what was going on. I was told they couldn't get to my car that day and I would be getting a rental car. They generously offered to pay for half of an economy car as is their standard policy. I said that wasn't good enough as the car is under factory warranty and they didn't fix it the first time. They reluctantly approved an entire economy car. Unfortunately, I was dealing with winter weather and did not feel a Ford Focus would do so well in 12 inches of snow, so I decided to bite the bullet and pay the extra $6 a day to drive a mini-SUV. I was told they would need to keep my car one day maximum. I called them on Thursday and again on Friday when they finally told me they had diagnosed the problem and ordered another part. They hoped to have the car finished by Monday afternoon. Today (Monday) I get a call saying that I can pick the car up this afternoon but this morning, they need all the keys that came with the car to reprogram them with the new part they installed. Now, if I had had this information on Friday, I would have brought the keys to work with me (the dealership is a stone's throw from my office). As it stands, the extra key is at home and I am at work so I'm guessing I won't be getting my car back today. Lovely.

Rant #2-I get an "explanation of benefits" in the mail from my health insurance company. They are refusing to pay a lab bill from some bloodwork drawn in my doctor's office. I call to ask why and they tell me the lab is out of network and they won't pay. I argue that I have no say in where my doctor sends his stuff for analysis and I don't agree. She reads me some long clause from my benefits page that explains why they won't pay for out of network "out of office" testing. I ask her how bloodwork done in my doctor's office is out of office. She says, "I'll check into it further but I had to tell you that first.". HUH??? She puts me on hold for another 10 minutes, then comes back and says it's all taken care of and they will pay it. So basically what this says to me is that they send a denial first, without looking into anything and some poor people who don't know their rights just pay the bill out of their hard earned cash and that's the end of it. All this when it's something the insurance should have covered. Not fair and a ridiculous tactic to "reduce costs" for the insurance company.

My bottom line discovery? Apparently the only way to get things done right is to call the customer service people and sound like you're right on the brink of insanity. Don't yell or speak to them in a mean tone, sound professional with a slight edge to your voice like if they don't do what they're supposed to, they will not like your response. Oh, sure, it would be easier if they really wanted to "serve" you and make your life easier but these days it seems everyone is out for an extra buck and customer service is just not what it used to be.

Rant concluded!!

Does Anybody Else Love Their Dog???

2008-03-09T18:37:00.005-05:00

For you to truly understand the reasons why I love my dog so much, a little background is needed. . .

We got our dog from a rescue shelter about 5 years ago when she was only 4 months old. I went to get her black and brown sister but when I got there, she picked me! She was the runt and so very cute, and while her littermates were romping in the yard, she was trying to play with me, giving me wet doggy kisses and just generally being sweet. I paid the shelter fee and took her home and thus began a beautiful relationship. We named her Maggie.

We had our normal ups and downs as with any new pet. Potty training a puppy is never fun and she refused to be crate trained. Once when we crated her at a friend's house she actually backed her little bum up to the grated crate door and pooped out into the carpet. She sure showed us! But despite her unwillingness to change in certain areas, she's been a good little dog to have around.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had severe morning sickness for 8 weeks. Maggie laid beside me the whole time I was sick, a regular little nurse maid. Shortly after I was feeling better, I was bitten by a brown recluse spider and confined to the bed again for about 6 weeks. This little dog was my companion, protector and friend during that whole time. She would dutifully go outside, eat and then come back to bed with me. Her devotion to me created a bond between us that can't quite be explained, especially to a non "dog-lover" and it has remained to this day. When our daughter was born, Maggie "adopted" her right along with the rest of us. She's brought on baby giggles and toddler romps and now they are the best of buddies. My daughter has to tell Maggie goodnight every night at bedtime and wants to see her first thing every morning. It's the sweetest thing ever.

What has made me wax so nostalgic about my dog today? A silly little comment made by my 3-year-old daughter. She asked me at lunch today if Maggie could be her baby dog when she grows up. She's getting the concept that children grow up and have families of their own, she just hasn't quite figured out where the new babies come in, so she decided that Maggie would do quite nicely as her "child" when she's a mommy. As I started thinking about years and ages, I teared up a little. When my daughter is 18, Maggie would be 21, which probably means she won't be around anymore. Most dogs don't live past the ripe old age of 15. Call me sentimental but I'm going to miss that dog. I guess the smart thing to do is focus on the here and now and enjoy the blessings God gives us while we have them. That goes for all of my many blessings, not just my little dog named Maggie.

Now that was a "ramble" wasn't it?

Excellent Movie-Vantage Point

2008-03-08T22:46:00.004-06:00

My husband and I went to see a movie in the actual theater tonight, Vantage Point with Dennis Quaid and Forest Whitaker. Excellent movie! We rarely spend the $20 it costs these days for the two of us to go to the big screen but it was our anniversary "date" so we splurged. This movie was actually worth it.

A terrorist attack/assassination attempt is shown from several different "vantage points". I won't give too much detail because I don't want this to be a spoiler. The action is played over and over several times from the perspective of several different characters. That is just over the first half of the film. Then the story lines all converge to bring the terrorist plot together and you see how it all happened from planning to execution to clean up. I thought this movie was different from any that I've seen because of this tactic. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time and unlike some action movies where I get completely lost, because they "replayed" it so often, I always knew what was going on. As the pieces come together, the whole picture becomes clear. My husband and I spent the 20 minute drive home talking about the plot, characters, etc. If I was a movie reviewer, I'd say Dennis Quaid and Forest Whitaker get five stars as does the movie. If you get the chance, by all means, go see it. You won't be disappointed!

Ah, the Woes of Exercise. . .

2008-03-08T11:05:00.007-06:00

Anyone else hate to exercise? I know I do. I have a few friends who thrive on it. They get all suited up in their stylish workout clothes and go to the gym at least 3 days a week, usually more. They have their cute little water bottles and sweat towels and just look so fulfilled when they're done. Not me.

I signed up for an exercise class and prepaid for it, knowing this was the only way I would actually stick to it (my greed outweighs my laziness apparently). I have to tell you, though. . .when I got to my first class, despite my best efforts, there was nothing PRETTY about it. The class I am taking is ballet based but really intense. It's called Cardiobarre but a more apt name for it would be Ballet Boot Camp. Oddly enough, after the first couple of classes I had a strange sense of accomplishment so I kept coming back. However, despite my best efforts and my "cutest" workout clothes, when I exercise it's just downright ugly. I look around at all of these lightly glistening ballerinas working out with me and I'm disgusted by myself. I am dripping with sweat, red-faced and just generally miserable. Some of the other girls are still wearing their nifty little dance warm-up sweatshirts and leg warmers. I have stripped down to my ill-fitting leotard and tight sweat pants. I pant my way over to the nearest window and open it (it's 20 degrees outside). Toward the end of class we begin our floor work: crunches, push-ups, etc. I am embarrassed to find that I am the only one sliding around on the floor in my own sweat. I didn't know my forearms contained sweat glands!! After class I sit for a few moments to regain my composure, then "flop" down the steps to the exit door because my thigh muscles will no longer engage. I chug a bottle of water and head home for a much needed shower. I'm hoping that if I stick to this, I will get results. . .

Due to a minor surgical procedure last week, I have had to miss a few of my classes. Today was the day I was determined to start back but alas, my ballet shoes are in my car, which is currently in the shop. I guess I'll have to wait another class to get back in the saddle. Do I sound devastated? Relieved is more like it. Oh no, I paid my money so I will get back in the swing of it, but I have to say, exercise is painful and I'm not looking forward to it. I guess that's just an unpleasant fact of life I will have to deal with, like taxes and a mortgage.

Perfect day. . .

2008-03-08T00:31:00.003-06:00

Today my daughter and I had the perfect day. I had surgery last week and haven't been myself since and today I felt better. I wanted to make up for the week of "mommy doesn't feel like it" so I decided that today was just for my girl. We started the morning off with breakfast together, then a few games of Dora dominoes. We read a bunch of books ("it was only 3 books, Mommy") and then decided to make some homemade bread. Once our bread was done, we sat at her "little" table and had fresh hot bread with butter and jelly and hot (or in her case, warm) tea. We had lunch and then took a nice nap together, then Daddy got home. We told him all about our day and then had dinner and a popsicle to finish off our perfect day. It's true, the best things in life really are free . . .:-)

The Best of Times, The Best of Times. . .

2008-03-07T09:30:00.006-06:00

Being a mom definitely has its ups and downs. But I have to say there are more ups than downs most days. There are some days when I think if I hear the word "why?" one more time I will lay down in the floor and start screaming "I DON'T KNOW!!!!!" but even I have to admit they are few and far between. When it really comes down to it, I am somewhat flattered that this gorgeous little creature who calls me her Mommy wants my undivided attention more than anything else she could have. She has plenty of cool toys she could occupy herself with, a cat and dog she could play with, books she could read and yet, "time with Mommy" is at the very top of her list. As I write this, she is hugging my arm "really hard" as she says, and trying to climb on my lap because she really wants my undivided attention.

I know that in ten or more years, she will be at a point when she would rather talk on the phone with her friends or have "alone time" than spend time with her mom, so I am making a new resolution (it's March I know but the New Year is too far away for this one). When this little treasure is begging me to spend time with her, I will remind myself of all the hours of "me time" I will have when she grows up and give her the ten minutes she is asking for. I will consider myself blessed that this little person finds me so absolutely charming and captivating that she wants to make me the center of her little world.

Powerball Hype

2008-03-06T10:05:00.003-06:00

We are funny creatures, we humans. The Powerball jackpot is up to 200 million and we are tripping over ourselves to buy tickets. Even people who don't usually play the lottery are buying their tickets. Office pools abound (I'm in one!). Who wants to be the only person left working somewhere should the unthinkable happen and we actually win! NOT ME! The funny part is, with more people buying tickets, the actual odds of winning are diminished. Doesn't take much to figure out that 1 in 100 million is better odds than 1 in 500 million, right? Oh well, the odds are pretty slim either way and it only takes one good line of numbers to win. The hype is all part of the fun! It's so much fun to dream about what we would do with all that money, isn't it?

The other ironic part is the amount of money that you actually get. Granted, it's a huge amount either way but look at the breakdown in my example.

Jackpot $200 million
Cash payout $99.2 million
Divided by the 12 in our office pool $8.27 million each
Minus at least 40% in taxes $4.96 million each

Like I said, it's still an exhorbitant amount of cash but $200 million sounds endless, $4.96 million sounds spendable. Interesting.