I recently read a blog post on Cafemom that was quite intelligently written. The author posted a list of the ingredients side by side comparing breastmilk to formula. I enjoyed reading the article and simply thought, "Wow, I'm so glad I nursed my kids," much like you'd be proud of sending your child to a certain school when the testing and rating system showed that school to be ranked one of the best in town. It's wonderful to know that a momma has the ability to give her little baby so much in the way of nutrition. . .and it's wonderful to know that science has brought us to the point that babies whose moms can't or won't feed them breastmilk have formula as an option to survive and thrive.
I scrolled down to the comment section to add a short kudos to the author, only to find myself somewhat flabbergasted by what I read there. Breastfeeding moms bashing moms who formula fed their babies, calling them selfish and implying that they didn't care. Formula feeding moms bashing nursing moms, calling them arrogant and judgmental. The discussion taking place there just makes me sad. Why are women so vicious? And it's not just about breastfeeding. I see this type of comment conversation on lots of issues involving our kids. . .circ/anti-circ, vax/anti-vax, co-sleeping/independent sleeping, public school/private schoo/homeschool. . .and the list goes on. I am disappointed in us as mothers.
The bottom line is, moms who love their kids and make choices according to what they feel is best for their families should not be judged by other moms just because they are not the same choices they would make. Many times, we make choices that are less than the **best** for our kids for a thousand different reasons. Ever fed your kid fast food or fruit snacks? Given in to a tantrum just to gain silence? I have. Just sayin'. None of those choices are considered to be the "best" by the experts. Yet we've all made one at some time in our parenting careers. At least one. And the reasons don't really matter.
The point is, they're OUR reasons. OUR choices. We each pay different consequences for all of our choices. Do you have to pay the price for the choice of the mom you're judging? NOPE. You have your own set of consequences. . .and don't kid yourself, there ARE pros and cons to EVERY decision. Every single one. There are no perfect parents, only a bunch of broken people doing the best we can. If we put as much energy into offering friendship and support to other moms as we do into tearing down the ones that don't do everything exactly like us, we mothers could be a powerful force for good.
3 comments:
You make excellent points my friend!
I'm glad you enjoyed my article. :) I painstakingly wrote each sentence with the goal of ONLY discussing just the two liquids, side-by-side, as I said in the post. Honestly, at this point, I know that no matter what I say or do, people will respond the way everyone did. So all I can do is make sure *I'm* not being a bitch, and then I know any comments saying I was are people who can't deal with their own emotions. But people who don't come into it already mad just at the word breastmilk may learn a thing or two, and that's my goal audience anyway. :)
Christie-
I was impressed by how carefully you worded your article. You made every effort to give information without bias and I think you did a great job. That made the comment war that followed all the more ridiculous to me.
I think many formula feeding moms get defensive about not breastfeeding b/c they somehow carry guilt about it. And anytime someone says you *made* them feel guilty, it makes me shake my head a bit. A guilt trip is one you choose to take, no one can send you on one without your permission. . .and on that side of things, guilt is useless anyway. Own your decision as what you chose and move on.
Then there are the "lactivists" who give us all a bad name. I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding, but those who bash and belittle moms who feed formula are hurting the cause, not helping it. Breastfeeding is not best, it's just NORMAL, and the sooner some folks come down off their high horses, the sooner we can all move toward making it feel that way.
I tend to shy away from the more controversial subjects, sometimes to a fault. . .which is sad because then there are those poor moms who make choices based on a lack of information. People like you who put themselves out there to write an article that you know will inevitably cause a comment war are the ones who are reaching those moms. Information is power, and if only one new mom read your article and decided to breastfeed her baby based on the information you provided? It was all worth it. =)
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