Form or Power?

My daily scripture that came on my e-mail this morning was from 2 Timothy. I read it as usual and a partial sentence caught my attention. I'll admit it-I often read this scripture with that “blah, blah, blah” feeling in my brain because the list of evils listed is so long, but this morning, it wasn't the list that grabbed my thoughts, but the last part.

2 Timothy 3:2-5 “For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of god, holding to the form of religion but denying its power. . .”

Usually when I read this, I think of it as those forms of religion that are very sanctimonious and take pleasure in putting on a show. The kind that's all about ritual and right, not about relationship. Today, I saw it in a different light, and I saw where I am often guilty of just this type of “form.”

Example? How often am I guilty of calling myself a Christian, but failing to show compassion to those around me. How often do I judge the motives and actions of others without truly knowing their hearts? More often than I'd like to admit. Even in my own life and thoughts, I find myself saying the right things, like “I'm just trusting God to work it out,” or “Well, He's in control,” but do I really believe it? Am I actively trusting Him by working out my salvation and my problems with Him, or am I just copping out by saying it's in His hands, all the while continuing on as I am, worrying or pretending everything will work itself out, while ignoring His pleas that I examine my heart and take action? I'm afraid I'm guilty of the latter all too often. Trust is an active thing with Jesus. It doesn't mean throwing up my hands in “surrender” and then sitting on them while I wait for Him to “fix” everything. More often, it means crying out to Him through the sweat, tears, and pain of seeking His purposes.

A more tangible example is childbirth. I'm currently nine months pregnant so I'll admit it's an example that sits at the forefront of my mind. What if a woman in labor decided not to participate in the birthing process at all? God did design our bodies for it after all, and to a certain point, the body does what it needs to on its own-I know that is true. But what if the woman instead decided to lie there writhing in pain, but refused to tell anyone what was happening, refused to push, and refused to allow anyone to help her if something went wrong? How would a birth like that turn out? The baby might eventually come out and sometimes all might be well, but if she chooses to cooperate with God's design, how much better the experience!

When we hold to our “form of religion” but deny it's power, we often get these results. We tell ourselves that God is in charge and will somehow work it out, but He's asking us to push. Sometimes pushing means nothing more than allowing Him to examine our hearts and asking us to admit our weakness to Him, but sometimes He's giving us interim instructions on how to survive the trial and we're ignoring Him because it's just too hard. Maybe He wants us to give something up, or sacrifice for the sake of someone else, but we're so focused on our own pain and our own status as the “victim” that we aren't listening. And sometimes it's an even more serious heart issue. Sometimes we should be on our faces before Him, not just on our knees, repenting for our complacency and our self-pity. It's hard to look up when we're beat down, but it's essential for survival. The bottom line is, are we listening for His instructions, no matter how simple? Or are we claiming our form of religion, all the while denying His power to move us through the changes in life and walk us through the trials and pain we're going through. For me, it's definitely food for thought.

The Real Jesus

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18

I've never really given this scripture a lot of thought-until today. Often when I share my faith with someone, they track with me until I get to the point where I talk about how I don't know who I'd be without Jesus, and how He's carried me through so many hard times. Then I see their eyes glaze over as if to say, “How can just believing in something do all of that?” Reading this scripture, their reaction makes a lot more sense.

For those of us who know Him. . . who have a relationship with Him, His power makes sense. You know you are a new person. When you look back into your past, you see a totally transformed life. I can't imagine reacting the same way now to things that used to knock me on my butt, both emotionally and spiritually. It's the trials and tribulations of life that have transformed me, but only through His power. Without Jesus, the pain of living, of losing, and of suffering would have just made me bitter, angry, and wounded. But with His comfort, strength, peace and perspective, they have made me stronger, smarter, and more resilient, all the while preserving a tender heart. His power is something I couldn't live without. His grace is something that keeps me moving forward when I want to lie down and quit. His love is the one constant thing in my life that never changes, and the unchanging goodness of His character gives life to my soul, especially in the midst of darkness. To me, the power of God is scientifically plausible, proven beyond a doubt, and dependable without question.

Now look at “those who are perishing.” They live in the same world, with the same pain. They see the rain fall on the just and the unjust and wonder what kind of God would allow the innocent to suffer and the evil to prosper. They compare themselves to the next person and think they rate pretty high on the decency scale, and yet they experience more than their “fair share” of pain. How could some fabled prophet dying on an ugly piece of wood over 2000 years ago make any difference in their lives? How could just believing that something happened and accepting the message from an ancient manuscript do anything to ease their pain? Foolishness. It doesn't make sense. They need to win the lottery, finish school and get a better job, move to a nicer neighborhood, make more friends, meet the right man/woman, travel more, experience more of life. That is the way to more peace, more happiness. That makes sense.

So how do we convince them that Jesus and the message of the cross is the answer? We don't. He does. We live our lives before them and honestly share our struggles, with all the ugly emotions they cause and all the pain we endure. We don't pretend that being a Christian keeps us from suffering. We don't act like we can't be hurt and broken. We show them hurt and broken, but then we show them what it is that gets us through. What it is that changes us from the inside out. When we're weeping like there's no tomorrow, we let them see that, and then let them see that His hope is all we're living for. When we're tortured by our own fears, we don't hide it, but then we don't hide the fact that His peace is all that keeps us from insanity some days. We have to be real. Real people, with real struggles and a real God who gets us through them.

The world doesn't need another empty promise. Humanity isn't crying out for the corner neighborhood church that has all the pat answers and a 12-step program. They need Someone who'll walk with them in the trenches. They need Someone who understands their suffering, and won't turn away from the gore and ugliness that is in their soul. They need the real Jesus. And it won't make sense until they see His face. The face that understands their suffering, the injustice and the pain and doesn't turn away. The face that loves them because of who they are, not in spite of it. Only then can foolishness become power.

Rant Alert-Poor Customer Service

We got DirectTV installed this morning. It's replacing our current cable arrangement with Charter Communications. I loathe the customer service at Charter, so I figured this would be better. I won't even get into my issues with Charter here, it would take a whole other post to cover it all.

The tech for DirectTV arrived 10 minutes before the appointment-which I much prefer to sitting around for 4 whole hours waiting for someone to show up. He installed the dish and the box and was done and gone in under an hour's time. I was very much impressed. I got GG set up watching an episode of Spongebob and came in to work on my computer.

About 45 minutes later, I got a call from someone calling himself a "quality assurance inspector" with DirectTV. His name and number came up as a personal cell phone on my caller ID and he was asking me if the service tech was still here or had left. I told him I wasn't comfortable giving information to someone who wasn't identified with DirectTV but was showing up as a personal phone line. He got a little rude with me then and said I could call DirectTV to confirm what he was telling me if I liked. Since he mentioned something about coming by to inspect the installer's work, I decided that was a good idea. I wasn't going to let just anyone into my house.

I called DirectTV's customer service line and a very nice lady told me that the quality person was doing what he was supposed to, but that if I was satisfied with the installer's work and everything was working properly, I could just call him back and tell him it was fine and I didn't need to let him inside. She said she understood my hesitation to allow a stranger inside.

I hung up and called the guy back. I told him DirectTV had confirmed his identity and that the tech had indeed finished and gone. I told him everything was working properly and I didn't need him to come and inspect inside. He then became quite defensive and said he never told me he was going to come inside my house, he just needed to inspect the work that was done outside. I told him that was fine. He continued to rant about how he was just doing his job and normally doesn't even have to call the customer but the tech wasn't answering his cell. He said if I didn't "want him on my property" that he would not come. I told him an outside inspection was fine but he interrupted me and said he wasn't coming on my property.

I stopped listening at that point. I told him that when I politely question the identity or validity of someone's claim and they get an attitude and become defensive, I automatically get suspicious that something isn't right. He interrupted me again, loudly telling me he didn't have an attitude, etc. I told him I was going to complain to DirectTV about his behavior. He was still yelling in the phone when I said, "I'm hanging up now. Thank you! Bye!"

Now, here's the sad part. I haven't called DirectTV to complain because I'm afraid to! What if I complain and they call him on it or worse yet, fire him. He knows where I live and did not sound like a rational or calm kind of person. I'm afraid he'll do something to me or my house. So, while I'm quite furious with his behavior, I guess I'm going to suck it up and get over it. I just hope this is a one time "flaw" in the DirectTV customer service experience. I'd hate to think I left Charter's evil for another one.

The Magnificent Blue Whale

For all who don't know, I am almost 27 weeks (almost 7 months) pregnant. I'm not the smallest pregnant lady you've ever seen. I realized one day a month or so ago that I'll probably never be referred to in passing conversation as, "You know, that cute little pregnant girl we saw. . " and I've come to terms with that.

The other day, I was sitting in the waiting room for physical therapy (neck and shoulder tension is a beast!) with GG, who is 4 1/2 years old. We were sitting quietly and I noticed her studying me for a few seconds. Then she seriously and very sweetly said, "Mommy, you're as beautiful as a blue whale in the ocean." Yes, she really did say it.

Taken completely off guard by her *ahem* compliment, at first I didn't know what to say. Then realizing that in her mind she had just said something wonderful to me and had no idea about the size issues I was struggling with, I calmly replied, "Thank you, sweetheart." How's that for a reality check? Kids say the darndest things. . .

Our Fender Bender

The good news is that we recently purchased a brand new 2009 Honda Odyssey mini-van. It's gorgeous! Black Pearl paint, tan leather interior-luxury in a mini-van. The bad news is that we bought it on Tuesday of last week and got hit pulling out of our driveway on Saturday! UGH! I'm glad it wasn't a more serious accident, but boy does it hurt to see a brand new vehicle in that condition.

To add to the adventure, I was hit in the side of the head, the ear, and the right arm with the side curtain airbag. I rode to the ER in the ambulance just to make sure the baby was okay and that my eardrum wasn't blown. It isn't, but I still can't hear today, one week later. The ringing in my ear is intense and loud. Certain noises are way too loud on that side, and yet I can't always make out what folks are saying to me if there's background noise. Baby is great and still a girl-she flashed us her private parts on the ultrasound the day of the accident. I really hope my hearing and my ear is not permanently damaged. From an airbag of all things.

We thought our car suffered only minor damage. From the outside, it didn't look too awful. Our insurance appraiser has valued the damage at $5700 and the collision center says it will take them AT LEAST until the end of July to repair it. So hello beautiful new car, and goodbye again. Instead of getting acquainted with all the new luxury features of the van, we are making it work with a tiny Mazda 3 rental car and our good 'ole standby car-the Dodge Intrepid. That car has been through a lot, too, but it's like an old friend-always there when you need it.

Now we just assumed from the beginning that the accident was our fault-we were the ones backing into traffic-so it never occurred to us that other details would be that important. That is, until the other driver told our insurance company that he was travelling up our street, saw us backing out of the driveway, stopped when he saw us and we backed into and hit him. ALL of the damage to our van is on the back SIDE. One piece of the front of his car was laying in our front yard, another piece in our neighbor's driveway PAST the point of impact, and our van was pushed sideways from the blow. Interesting as I didn't realize our van was actually capable of travelling sideways to strike a car in the street. Must be a new addition to the luxury features I mentioned. Yes, I have little patience for dishonesty. While all dishonesty is wrong, I have a particular section in my pet peeve library for pointless dishonesty. If it was our fault anyway, why lie about what happened just to make yourself look a little better? Okay, I'm done ranting now. Thanks for reading. . .those of you who didn't give up halfway down the page! =)

Forgiveness or Healing?

I was reading my bible in Mark tonight and again, was hit by the feeling that there was something I was missing in a passage. If you want to read the whole story, it's in Mark 2:2-12. It is the story where Jesus is teaching and a paralytic with four tenacious friends is trying to get to him, so they cut a hole in the roof and lowered their friend to Jesus. In Sunday school, we always heard this story and about how his friends helped him get his healing. They always focus on the “Take up your mat and walk!” part of the story.

What I'm pondering now is this-Jesus doesn't heal the man right away. In fact, I'm not sure he intended to heal him at all. His first reaction when he sees the cripple and his friends is to say, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” The religious folks sitting around were slightly appalled at this and begin thinking to themselves how full of himself Jesus was for saying such a thing. “Only God can forgive sins. Who does this guy think he is?” When Jesus sensed their thoughts, he asks them a question. “Why are you reasoning these things in your hearts? Which is easier; to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, pick up your stretcher, and walk?' But so you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins. . .” Only then did he tell the man to get up. After that, the religious men were astounded and praising God saying they'd never seen anything like it.

My real focus here is on the scribes. When Jesus forgave the man his sins, they were almost indignant. When he healed his body, they were overjoyed. Did Jesus delay the healing for their benefit? Perhaps he was hoping they would see the bigger picture and understand that forgiveness of sins is paramount. What I see here is that too often, we tend to judge what God is doing in the lives of those around us. Or, we judge another person as not being “spiritual enough” to get God's healing. Jesus knows the “real us” from the inside out and what it is that we really need. This challenges me. The next time I see a fellow Christian doing something I don't see as “spiritual,” I want to take a minute to think about what God may be doing in that person's life.

God is a precise surgeon, only working on the parts of our heart that are ready for his work. We must be careful not to be judgmental of that work in those around us. Jesus is the expert, we are merely there to observe and support, much like the friends of the paralytic. Their faith got him in front of Jesus in the first place, then they backed off and let the Lord do his thing. There is a lesson in that.

Cleaning Frenzy

It started out as our regular "morning chores." Every day when we're home, GG and I pick up, make beds, etc. We run a duster over stuff on Thursdays and start laundry, too. Today, I got a cleaning frenzy going and nothing was safe. I did bathrooms, vacuumed, dusted (with the duster still, I'm not THAT crazy), and Swiffered the floors. I even took apart GG's pedestal fan and washed that, then gave the dog a bath. It felt great to get it all done but now I'm exhausted!! I learned a few things, too.

-I need a lighter vacuum cleaner. My sciatic nerve is killing me from lugging that big 'ole thing around!
-I have no sense of humor when I'm cleaning. I felt like a drill sergeant. . .like GG should instinctively know what to do next. She didn't of course. . .
-There is no limit to the number of ways a four year old can walk in your path when you're carrying something heavy. It's like she has a radar for the path of MOST resistance, and follows it faithfully.
-Washing all the sheets while cleaning the whole house sounds like a great idea at the time. However, when you want to drop your exhausted body on your bed and take a nap when you're all done, the sheets don't help much when they're still in the dryer!!

How's that for random thoughts!!